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“Thanks, TJ picked it out. He said the same thing.”
I blink. I blink again. TJ picked out a sweater color for Fynn. Why?
“You two are shopping together now?” It comes out light-hearted. That is not at all how it feels. I know they’ve been in contact with each other, because I’ve been avoiding TJ, and even Fynn as much as he will let me. Each of them has mentioned the other in conversations. Neither of them mentioned a shopping trip. And that would mean he has seen TJ in person. I haven’t.
Fynn smiles and takes a sip of coffee. “No, it was a gift.”
I stare at him and this time I’m not able to keep my expression neutral. I know this because I don’t even attempt to keep my expression neutral, causing Fynn’s face to fall and his joyful smile and sparkle to disappear.
“A gift?”
He nods.
“From TJ, to you?”
He nods again. “Yes, he sent it to me to replace the one you bled all over.”
A friendly gesture. That’s all. After all, he told me he loves me. But that was weeks ago…shit a couple of months ago. Life has been shit since. I’ve shut him out. I have no right to this jealousy. He and Fynn are, of course, allowed to be friends. Aren’t they? Cashmere sweater giving friends?
TJ wants to be more than friends with Fynn. He told me that lying in bed together in this very apartment.
“How often do you talk to him?”
“More than you.” Fynn snaps.
And that wouldn’t be hard to do. Since I don’t talk to him at all.
“What am I supposed to say to him?”
“You could start by telling him what is going on with you…you could also maybe inform me about that.”
“I don’t even know what is going with me. How am I supposed to tell him?”
“Tell him that. Tell him anything. He’s worried about you.”
“Oh really? Then where is he? Why isn’t he here instead of you?”
Fynn stares at me, a coldness in his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“You selfish son of a bitch.”
Fynn raises his hand in exasperation with me. He clenches a fist. Almost like he wants to punch me. He’s never like this. I’ve never seen him like this. Not over a guy.
“Have you paid attention to anything going on outside of this apartment? Anything going on in his world?”
I swallow. I haven’t. It got to be too painful to watch hockey. See him continuing on with his life. Not being part of it. It’s his job. I logically know that. He has tried to call and text. That is happening with less frequency now. But he’s talking to Fynn. Apparently with a great deal of frequency. And buying Fynn sweaters. Cashmere ones that match Fynn’s eyes.
“His stepmom is dying, his half brother is living with their abusive asshole of a father, he’s buying a house for he and his brother to live in and oh, his brother thinks he might be gay.
“Did you know any of that?”
My jaw is on the floor. Of course I didn’t. I just gawk at Fynn.
“Oh, and if you’ve seen games…well they suck right now and are about to lose the playoffs…if they do, players will get traded, jobs will be lost, lives upended.”
“I—”
“No, you don’t, because you won’t talk to him. He’s been trying to reach out to you. Trying to help you…. well, he could use some support too right now.”
