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This was too much.
A liability.
She was ruining Rhodes’ relationships, his career. And now she didn’t know how she could live without Ethan.
Because she might love him. She wished there was some way to quantify love. A checklist to be fulfilled.
But she knew that wasn’t the case.
Rhodes’ phone rang. “Fuck. I need to take this. It’s my publicist.” He stepped out the glass double doors just as she heard the front door open and someone call out for Seth, then Ethan.
“That’s Butch.” Ethan looked torn. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I’m fine.” She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
“You just had a panic attack. You are not fine.”
“I am. And I have to go to the bathroom, anyway.”
The bathroom . . . her closet to hide. The same thing, right?
She wanted to flick her hair tie against her wrist, but Ethan had made her remove it. So she pressed her fingers around her wrist right where Samantha had grabbed her, squeezing tight. She relished the bite of pain.
“Stay right here and I’ll take you in a minute,” Ethan said firmly. “This will only take a second.”
As soon as he was out of sight, she jumped to her feet and raced for the hallway.
In the back of her mind, she knew she was going to be in trouble. But she just needed a moment to calm her mind. And for that to happen, she had to be in her safe place.
Running into the closet, she sat and tried to calm herself. But it wasn’t working.
Her fault Samantha and Rhodes broke up.
Her fault that Rhodes was angry at Kevin, who was good for his career even if he was a bit of a jerk.
Her fault she’d fallen in love with a man that she couldn’t have long-term.
You know what you need.
If only she could find one.
Cate searched through her drawers for a spare hair tie.
There!
Putting it around her wrist, she flicked it. But the thoughts kept coming.
She couldn’t keep them out.
What was she going to do?
Ethan wasn’t going to be happy with her. Neither would Rhodes.
But she was a grown woman. If she wanted to punish herself for being an idiot, she would.
What else would work, though?
You could cut yourself.
