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Gwen’s wrenching scream jolted me out of bed, and I growled when I shoved the sheets off and saw the state of my cock.
It didn't deter me that my dick was still raging. I ran quickly toward her room and shoved open the door to find her thrashing in bed. I ran to the side of the bed and placed my hand on her good shoulder gently. "Gwen, baby. Open your eyes. It's me. It's me, Atticus. Open your eyes. You’re safe. I'm here. I'm here, baby. I'm here."
When her eyes cracked open, she gasped, dragging in air raggedly through her lungs. "Oh my God. Oh my God."
I checked her sling first. It was still in place. "You’re okay, baby. What is it? Did you hit your shoulder? Are you in pain?"
She frowned as if getting her bearings, trying to figure out what was going on herself. "I-I dreamed you weren't… I needed you, and you weren't there. I don't… I don't know."
My heart that had been galloping out of my chest started to steady once again. "It was just a dream. I'm always here when you need me. See, I'm right here."
I lifted her good arm and placed her hand on my chest. "See? I'm right here. I'm right where you need me."
"I was so scared. You weren't here, and I needed you, and?—"
I tugged her close, lifting her gently and being careful of her shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe. I'm here. See?"
Gwen fisted her hand in my T-shirt. "Please don't leave me. Can you hold me for a while?"
Hold her? In bed? After the dream I had just woken up from? My cock throbbed in my pajama bottoms. With her, I didn't need to wear them. At least we'd gotten over that habit. But I'd taken to wearing them again, just in case.
"That's not a good idea, Ness. But look, I'll be right here until you go back to sleep."
She whined. "I'm telling you I need you, and you’re telling me not right now. What is going on, Atticus?"
She drew her hand down over my chest, and I swear before God, I could not have held back the shudder that racked through my body in that moment.
"Don't you want me anymore? Did me getting shot change something?"
"Of course not,” I groaned. “I’ll always want you.”
Her hand spread out all over my chest and down my abdomen. Just as she was about to wrap her hand around my cock, I stopped her with my other hand. "Uh, that's not a good idea."
"What are you talking about, Atticus? You're hard. You're very, very hard. I can see for myself. Why won't you let me touch you?"
Fuck, this was torture. I was not strong enough to hold out. This had been a bad idea. I should have taken her back to her old apartment. Or anywhere I didn't have to sleep next to her, trying not to touch her. That had never been anything I even considered.
"Gwen, be reasonable. I'm here. But until you're healed up, this is not what we're doing. I don't want to risk hurting you. It would kill me, darling. Do you understand?"
"No, I don’t understand. You're pushing me away, and I don't know what to do.”
“Gwen,” I muttered through clenched teeth. Christ, all I wanted to do was hold her. All I wanted was her in my arms. But if I did, I could lose control, hurt her in my sleep. And fuck me, if I touched her how I wanted to, how she was asking me to…
No. That wasn’t what she needed right now. She needed rest and tenderness. Not the dicking down she thought she wanted. I wasn’t great at being tender, but I could at least take care of her. Show her that I deserved to take care of her… even though I’d fucked up. I had to keep myself out of her bed, or I was going to ruin everything.
But she didn’t see it my way. “So, you're not going to even touch me?"
I shook my head. "No. I'm not. You need to get a clean bill of health before we resume any physical activities."
Her gaze slid over me and straight down to my cock. Asshole soldier that he was, he saluted her. Because he didn't give two fucks about her shoulder. He hadn't been scared half to death. Only that he had to be stuck with me for the rest of his miserable life.
"Are you sure this isn’t… Have your feelings— changed?"
I stared at her for a long moment. What the fuck did she mean? The answer was in the way she bit her bottom lip. The uncertainty in her gaze. Oh, for fuck's sake. She thought I didn't want her?
I planted both hands on her cheeks. "Gwen, I don't think you understand the depths to which I want you. If you did understand, you would probably run for your life. You are everything. You always have been. So, let's go ahead and pretend you didn't say some utterly insane shit and get you back to sleep so you can heal."
She seemed to buy it. Nodding against my hold. This time, I gave in a little bit and planted a soft kiss on her lips. And the electric spark of need tried to claw its way out of my chest.
