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Lighter than I’ve felt in years, I twirl around the space a final time before heading for the door.
Two special men are eagerly awaiting my return.
31
LIZZIE
For someone who swore off kids, Dillan has taken to the role of “Father” like a duck to water (though he’d argue otherwise). His knowledge and confidence definitely help on those days where I feel like I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. I know eventually Dillan will have to return to work, but for now, it’s wonderful having him home with Isaac.
Isaac grows more and more every day. His features become more pronounced, and it’s remarkable how much he looks like a mini version of Dillan. The two are virtually clones. However, Isaac certainly has my love of music. Anytime we play something for him, he wiggles and moves while giving us a big smile. I can’t wait until he’s old enough for me to teach him dance steps.
One afternoon, I stop by the studio after running errands to find my two boys lying on the floor covered in paint but happy. In the small room that will become my office, they each leave a handprint on the freshly painted white wall. The large and small hands in pastel yellow are in a place that will later disappear behind a filing cabinet and where no one will see them.
“But you know they’re there,” Dillan explains, picking up the yellow-speckled Isaac as he stands up to wrap his arms around me. “This way we will always be close to you.”
He thinks of everything, even including buying another playpen and toys so I don’t have to drag Isaac’s stuff around the house every time I want to get work done. He does so much for me, and he never expects anything in return, never holds it over my head, or throws it back in my face.
Even the days I’ve got to go to the Sinner’s Lounge are no longer as stressful as before. With Dillan’s help on the studio, I don’t have to pick up each and every extra shift. Dillan understands my need for independence and never questions it.
I kiss him goodbye, telling him that I’ve got enough time to jump by my old apartment to grab a few more things before heading to work. When I get there, I find Pippa is already at work. Most of my personal belongings have already been moved to Dillan’s place. The only things I’ve left are some costume pieces, my black competition outfit, and a few essential personal items. I grab them and head to work.
When I get to the club, I instantly know something’s up. I barely punch in when Marlene makes a beeline for me.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been texting you all morning.”
As I reach for my phone, it dawns on me that it isn’t in my pocket. It must be at home.
“Sorry, I forgot my phone,” I say. “What’s going on?”
“One of the dancers is running late, so I need you to fill in.”
My heart sinks, and my stomach twists with nerves. I haven’t danced since I got pregnant with Isaac, and I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t take to that stage again. I’m not ashamed of my past occupation. The simple (and downright cowardly) truth is, I haven’t come clean with Dillan about my past life of scantily clad dancing for men on stage.
What I did before we reconnected is one thing, but it’s a whole different ballgame now that we’re in a relationship.
“I can’t, Marlene. I’m not really comfortable getting up on that stage anymore.”
“I know, and I’m sorry to have to ask, but I’m in a bind,” Marlene says apologetically. “Look, I just need you to dance until the other dancer gets here. Then we’ll switch you off. Pretty please?”
Marlene looks desperate, and my resolution wanes. “All right, fine. But just this once, okay?”
“Done! Perfect! Thank you so much.” Marlene hugs me tight. “Damn, I’m going to miss you when you go.”
“I’m going to miss you too. Have you thought about my suggestion?”
“Actually, yes,” she nods. “I’m talking it over with the boss, and he thinks it’s a good idea. Having some of the newer dancers take dance classes will be such a big help. Some of them have experience as strippers, but burlesque is a very specific form of dancing.”
“We can even throw in morning classes,” I say as we walk together to the backstage area. “I know it aligns well with the scheduling here. I’m planning to eventually introduce one-on-one sessions.”
“Lizzie, you’re onto something big here. Your studio is going to be the talk of the town, mark my words.”
I’m proud of myself, yet still nervous about the evening to come. It’s then that I really wish I had my phone with me. I would have at least liked to give Dillan a heads up about what’s going on. I wish I had discussed it with him much earlier. While talking over the phone wouldn’t have been ideal, it would have been better than blindsiding him later.
Shoot. I guess I don’t have much of a choice.
It feels strange being in the dressing room again. My old makeup station is empty, and I take the time to stare at it, reminiscing about what my life had been like the last time I sat there. Amazing what a year could do to a person.
The moment I go through the clothing rack trying to find something to wear, Bella pops in. We haven’t really spoken since I stopped dancing, which suits me just fine. I can feel her eyes on me the second she walks in. But for once, she doesn’t say anything.
