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She starts to say something else, but I completely ignore her and keep walking. I’ll apologize later.
Pippa isn’t home. Without bothering to remove my coat, I head straight for the bathroom. My hands shake so violently when I open the first pregnancy test, I nearly drop it.
After reading the directions thoroughly (definitely not in a procrastinating way), I pee on the stick, place it on the counter, and wait. The instructions have said the results won’t take longer than two minutes to appear. Still, I watch the small window, wringing my hands as I wait.
Two lines appear almost instantly.
I stare at them as they grow darker until the results are undeniable.
Don’t panic.
Don’t panic, I chide myself again.
It’s okay. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. That was the cheap one so maybe it’s defective. Yup. That’s it. That’s totally what it is.
I repeat the words over and over again even as I tear open another test, this one from the expensive box.
The second has the same results. I don’t bother taking a third.
Okay. Now I can panic. I can panic like crazy.
Which I do.
My breathing picks up, and this time when the room spins, I’m pretty sure it isn’t from the pregnancy. To steady myself, I grab the sink and lean my weight against it while I try to focus on my breathing.
“Crap. What the hell am I going to do?” I ask myself aloud and stare at my reflection in the mirror above the sink.
It isn’t like I can contact Dillan and tell him what happened. Tonight had been my one chance to do so, and he left before that could happen. Obviously, he wasn’t happy to see me. And because he saw me running off the stage, he now thinks I wasn’t happy to see him either.
I’ve got no other way to contact him.
Plus, he was crystal clear about his stance on kids.
Which brings us to the delightful realization that a kid hasn’t exactly been factored into my life plans either. Sure, I want children, but not right now. Not when I’m single and trying to save my money to open my own business. I’d always planned to have children farther down the line, once I’m established and in a stable, loving relationship.
This is the exact opposite.
Right before my eyes, I watch my hopes and dreams shatter. There’s no way I can pursue the dance studio now. Not until the baby is older at least.
A knock on the bathroom door nearly makes me jump out of my skin.
“Lizzie? You in there?” Pippa’s voice has an instantly soothing effect on me. “Mrs. Loughty called me and said you came home early and weren’t acting like yourself. Is everything okay?”
Good old Mrs. L. I can’t even find it in my heart to be annoyed with her for sticking her nose in my business because being alone is the last thing I want. When I open the bathroom door, both of them are standing there, seeming concerned.
“Are you all right, my dear? You’re looking very pale,” Mrs. Loughty comments, casting a worried glance my way.
“I knew you were working too hard,” Pippa says. “I was just telling her earlier that she’s doing too much. Did you overdo it at work?”
“I’m…I’m…” I can’t say it. Can’t get the word “pregnant” out. It’s stuck in my throat like a lump that threatens to choke me.
“You’re what?” Pippa asks.
“You’re what?” Mrs. Loughty parrots Pippa’s question.
Still, the words won’t come out.
In the end, all I can do is hand them both tests. Their reactions are a lot more subtle than mine had been. Pippa and Mrs. L share a brief glance before both women lead me over to the sofa.
