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I don’t think I’ve been impressed by anyone like I am now.
“How long were you there?”
“Long enough,” Elliot says.
I start to smile.
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
The hope that started dies and I get it. We’re really done. No trial. Just the sentence. And it’s what I deserve for being a grade A asshole.
“You text me to come and save you?” She’s jabbing her finger at me. “Why would you do that?”
“You tell me.”
“No,” she says, suddenly quietly, “you tell me. You had a reason.”
“Because I can’t change and I need you to keep me out of trouble?” She doesn’t answer. “You know that.”
“No, Ryder, I don’t. I was in the neighborhood, so I was there a long time.”
“And you thought I’d do it, didn’t you?” I’m furious at the world, at myself, at her for being right. “You think I can’t change and that’s why you don’t want me.”
“You’re being a child.”
“I know.” And I am and everything is hurting inside me. I’m so fucking screwed up over Elliot.
Every time I open my mouth the wrong things come out. The more I try and fix things the worse I make them. And I had a naked woman trying to hump me and she’s not mad.
“Why aren’t you angry?”
“I’m fucking furious, Ryder. Do not mistake how I am right now. I’m ready to burn things down.”
“Because you think I can’t change.”
“No. Because you’re an idiot. Worse, you’re a self-destructive coward who hides behind his stupid reputation instead of trusting himself and me. You’re a moron for inviting her over. What did you think she’d do? Have tea?”
“And if I can’t change?”
“You can, if you want, Ryder. It’s up to you.”
“And you, Elliot? Do I get you?”
She walks up to me. “You don’t deserve me, Ryder. I’ve helped you, given you all the tools you need. Or I should say, helped you find them and what do you do? Sabotage. You can be the man you are inside, but that depends on which one you think you are. The biggest man whore on the planet who’s charming and funny, and ruthless and smart; or a man who is all those things without the need to nail anything that moves. It’s up to you. But you need to do that. Not me. I’m not your crutch. I don’t want to be.”
I cross my arms. “So you’d be fine if I had a plethora of hot chicks panting for me?”
“Do what you want.” She stops, blinking hard. “Would it matter if I wasn’t okay with that?”
I don’t answer because she’s just unpacked a world at my feet.
“It’s your life, your hands, Ryder. Goodbye.”
Elliot turns and leaves and I don’t go after her.
I’ve just been hit hard by what she’s been saying. More by what I am. Beyond a coward who wanted her to hold my hand and make things easy.
That’s not her job. I get that now.
