Page 84 of Throttle

“Kaz—” Caelia places a hand on my back, moving closer. “It was your idea. You wanted me to return with you as your wife, and I did. I’ve done everything I promised you I would. You can’t back down now.”

Should I consider it a victory that she didn’t run away? That she didn’t stab me in my sleep?

“I’m not. I promised you’d be free, and you will be.”

My feelings don’t matter. If she can’t find happiness by my side, I’ll have to free her to look for it elsewhere. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. Caelia slips her hands around my waist. I watch her delicate fingers as they unbutton my shirt.

“You’re right. Maybe I should take a break,” she says, pulling my shirt off my shoulders and kissing my neck while grazing my chest with her nails. Turning around, I grasp her neck and throw her onto her back. Caelia’s eyes widen in surprise, but she doesn’t seem alarmed.

“What are you going to do with your freedom, solnyshko?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Are you going to fuck someone else?” I part her legs with my knee and settle between them. “Will you let someone else’s cock inside you, secretly wishing it was mine? Will you let someone else touch you, taste you, and breathe you in?”

Caelia blinks, licking her lips.

“You have no right to ask me that,” she protests, shaking her head.

I laugh, tightening my grip on her neck. She gasps, her chest rising and falling rapidly, struggling to breathe.

“The fuck I don’t,” I retort, swiftly removing her shorts and panties with one hand. “Do you think you’ll stop being mine just because you’ll run away again?” I unbuckle my belt, undo the button, and lower the zipper as she looks up at me, confusion etched on her face. “Answer me, Caelia.”

“Don’t,” she begs. “Don’t make me answer this, Kaz.”

“Why? Are you too afraid of what the answer will be?”

Her back arches when I enter her without any warning. I close my eyes, moaning as her pussy tightens around my cock. I hold her down on the mattress as I thrust inside her. She struggles to breathe but is too stubborn to tell me when it becomes too much. I’m angry because she refuses to answer, so I don’t let go. If she wants to faint, so be it. She digs her nails into my arm, holding my gaze.

“Will you scream my name while you fuck someone else? Will you lie in someone else’s bed but be trapped in your mind with me?” I shake my head. “No?” I loosen my grip enough to allow her to speak, but she still refuses. “How do you plan to erase me from your memory, baby? Do you think I’ll ever forget the way you looked at me? The way you touched me, craved me? Do you think we can go our separate ways and become strangers?”

“It’s you,” she murmurs. “It will always be you.” Yet, despite that, I’m not enough to make her stay. “I will never be with anyone else, Kaz.” I know she won’t. I’ll kill any man who dares to breathe too close to her, but I need to hear her say it.

“Why?” I demand.

I feel her swallow beneath my grip. Caelia closes her eyes, shaking her head. The truth is buried in her mind, but she won’t admit it. I can’t possibly be paying for that morning when I lost control. I’ve done everything I can to prove to her that life with me will be different. I pull out and flip her over.

“Do you remember what I’ve told you about the truth?” I slam inside her, gripping her hair. She nods, clutching the sheets tightly.

I have less than two months to figure out how to make her stay, and I’m no closer than when all of this began. I can’t seem to break through her defenses. She has learned to do whatever it takes to survive, and no one can outplay her in this game. I’ve learned how she thinks. Caelia always sees the bright side, considering the bigger picture. And that picture is her freedom. She gave me everything I asked for, and she’d tell me anything she thought I wanted to hear if it would help her situation. She held nothing back when she thought I was Mattia, but only because she knew it wouldn’t have made a difference.

“I’ll spell it out for you,” I whisper in her ear, digging my fingers into her waist. “Your feelings won’t disappear when you leave. You won’t be able to leave everything behind and start a new life. I promise you this. I will fucking haunt you, zhizn moya.”

I need her to admit those feelings. Even if it won’t change anything, I want to hear her say it.

“I know you will.”

No one has ever made me this furious. She makes me see red. I slip my hand between her legs, pressing the other at the back of her head. Caelia buries her face into the mattress, her moans muffled. She comes apart, screaming my name. I think back on that plan of leaving her pregnant as I cum inside her. It would be so easy to tamper with her birth control and deny her access to it entirely, but she would despise me for it. It’s not something she would ever forgive me for.

I’m overwhelmed by the need to keep her, but not like this. I collapse on my back beside her, struggling to catch my breath. Caelia stands up without saying a word, heading to the bathroom. She immediately turns the shower on as if eager to wash away any remnants of me on her skin.

I need a fucking drink to clear my head.

CHAPTER 73

Caelia

Nothing can compare to the feeling of falling apart in the shower. My eyes burn, and tears continue to cascade down my face. Kaz would be better off without me. I’m too unstable, difficult, and stubborn while he’s taken on the role of the perfect husband. He’s frustrated that I nearly slipped up that day in the gym and confessed my love for him. I love him, but him hearing these words won’t change anything. I can’t stay with him. Coming here was a mistake. I should have never agreed to this. Leaving him will shatter me.