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When night fell, I heard a gentle tap at the door and thought it was Nick coming to check in on me. But it was my mom. Surprisingly, she looked a lot better after spending a few days in jail. She was clean, her hair was combed and placed into a nice ponytail, and the smell of booze didn't enter the room before she did.
What did come with her was a heavy presence, like there was a lot to be discussed and no directions on where to start. There was certainly a lot I wanted to say to her; a lot of questions to ask, but I too had no direction. Before, I got angry and started wherever that anger burned the most. But that night, a gentler approach sat on the horizon.
“Hey, mom,” I said.
“Hi.”
She sat at the foot of the bed and kept her eyes planted toward the floor. I could sense that being in Trent’s room was hard for her. According to Nick, mom hadn’t stepped foot in that room for a long time.
“It doesn’t smell like him anymore,” she said.
I sat up in the bed and stared at her softly. I wanted to hug, maybe rub her back and tell her everything would be fine, but I clammed up and waited for her to speak again.
“It’s been a long time since I've been in here,” she said. “I think the last time was three years ago. After the sheriff told me if I came back to the precinct asking questions, he would arrest me.”
That made me angry again. I hated knowing that my mom had been right about someone covering up the truth and she was threatened and made to believe she was crazy for following her instincts.
“You were right to keep asking questions,” I said. “Brayden came clean about it all and Uncle Joe had a hand in helping them cover it up. But don’t worry, I’m going to hire a lawyer and see what we can do to fix this.”
She looked at me with so much hope in her eyes it made mine swell with tears. After so much agony and grief, my mother looked like she wanted to smile again.
“Brayden and Trent were best friends,” Mom said. “If I knew my son, this is what he wanted. It isn’t right and he shouldn’t be away from his family for so many years, but he’s bullheaded and does what he sees fit. So.”
“He gets that from you,” I said. “And it isn’t right. Even if it is what he wanted, it’s not the truth and it isn’t fair. The least someone could have done was tell us.”
“They couldn’t,” she smiled for a split second. “They knew we’d speak up about it. Besides, Big Bear sheriffs wouldn’t have done a thing to make it right. Trent was always seen as a problem for them. They wanted him gone a long time ago.”
That night was the first night my mom and I had a real conversation without either of us getting angry and saying nasty things to each other. It felt good to have that again. It felt good to be able to share opinions with my mom and laugh, and cry. I missed her.
“You know I love you, Mia,” she said. “I haven’t been the best mom or person to be around for a very long time, but I do love my children. All of you. And at some point in this lifetime, I'm going to make things right. I can’t go back in time and change the way I was, and I can’t make you believe that I'll finally get it together but somehow, this tiny bit of information has opened my eyes to a lot.”
I was proud to hear her say that she was ready to step into her old self and get back to who she was before her addiction took over. I was proud to hear her say she loved me, and she wanted to change. It had been a long time since my mom said those words to me and I held onto them for dear life. That tiny bit of information did something for me too; it made me realize that I needed my mom more than I thought I knew.
“I know this is a trying time for you right now, with Brayden and everything, but I really think you should give him a chance,” Mom said. “He really cares for you, Mia. You may not like what he did, but he did it for Trent. Keep that in mind.”
“I’m done with Brayden,” I said. “I can’t be with someone who keeps a promise to someone else over me. I can’t trust that he won't do it again.”
My mouth spoke the words, but my heart felt something completely different. The love I had for him wouldn't go away for a long time, I knew that to be true. But I was still angry.
Chapter Twenty-Five ~ Brayden
After I came clean to Mia, she went ghost on me. I must have called her every day for two or three weeks straight and each time, I got no answer. After a while, her voicemail automatically picked up, which let me know she blocked my number altogether.
I called from different numbers, sent emails, and messages through social media. I even had Uncle Joe call her a few times, and she didn’t answer him either. I thought about paying her a surprise visit at her mom's place, but I wasn’t sure she was there. After the many fights they had, I thought she packed up and went back home before summer ended.
Her being mad at me was understandable, but I felt like she was pushing it. I kept Trent’s secret because he asked me to. Had that not been the case, I would have told her, and she knew it. She just wanted a reason to hate me. That's how I started to feel after not getting an answer from her.
I could barely focus on my healing because I was so angry and anxious to talk to her. Therapy had slowed up. I was still moving around and working out my legs because I was ready to go back to work, but mentally, I wasn’t all there anymore. So much so, I called my captain and asked him to let me come back early, even if it was for desk duty.
“I need to be there,” I said. “I don’t have to do any physical activity yet, but I need something to keep me from going insane.”
“You aren’t cleared yet, Brayden. We can’t have you here at the station while you’re still injured. It’s a liability I don’t want on my conscience. You don’t have that long left. Just ride it out. Go out and chop lumber if you have to, but you can’t do it here.”
None of my pleading and convincing worked on him. He was a stern man who stood his ground, and even taught me a few pointers on how to stand mine. I had to respect his decision and take another route to keep myself sane.
Instead of staying in the cabin and wallowing in my misery, I started hanging out with my work buddies. Since I couldn’t work and had no real excitement in my life anymore, I started drinking and hanging out later than usual. I got so caught up in the nostalgia of it all, I ended up calling Mia one night, drunk, and leaving her a nasty message displaying my frustration with her.
I said everything I felt. Everything I wanted to say years ago. I called her a brat, told her how selfish she could be at times, and how unforgiving and nagging she was. I said whatever came to mind in order to hurt her and make her feel the same way I felt. Some of those things I didn’t mean but a lot of them, I did. They were the truth, and as much as I loved Mia, she needed to hear it.
