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It felt good to hear her admit that she’d been a you-know-what to me over the years. Of course, she had her reasons outside of Trent, so I didn't hold it against her too much.
“That was one of the hardest things in life for me,” I said. “Harder than watching my mom ruin her life. I don’t talk about it much because I hate not being able to do anything about it. But it’s heavy on my mind a lot.”
I was eager more than ever to get back on Mia’s good side. Sitting at the table with her, watching her chow down on something I made for her, made me want her in the sack again. I wanted her in more ways than that, but she was so sexy sitting there with her hair all wild and her emotions flowing, I could hardly keep the beast in my boxers under control.
“I think about him every day,” she said. “I started to write a book about him and his life, but I scrapped it. It's not my story to tell.”
“I bet you he’d want you to tell it though,” I said. “No one can tell a story better than Mia Norway.”
The sound of her chuckle reminded me of when we dated. I used to make her laugh all the time and it was the most beautiful thing. Whenever we were together, it was like an escape for the both of us. I enjoyed making her smile and laugh and feel appreciated. I hated that we became so distant.
“Why were you crying last night?” I asked.
She gave me a real serious look that made me feel like I did something wrong by asking. I didn’t recant my question. I was curious and wanted to know whether or not it was because of some guy she was dating. Of course, there were never any hints to her dating anyone, it was my own ego wanting to know the answer.
“I got into it with my mom,” she said. “Same old shit.”
“Oh,” I nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Mia's mom, Naomi, was an interesting woman. She had a daughter who was still willing to go above and beyond for her, but she hated it. Mia always thought her mom was jealous of her for some reason. When we were younger, I didn’t see why. But as she got older and started to fill out and go her own way more, I saw it clearly.
“I guess some people are incapable of changing, right?”
She gave me another serious look. I was in no position to judge or give some intricate speech about life, but I did the best I could.
“Change is scary,” I said. “It’s hard for people to give up on who they’ve always been to try being someone new. It's no excuse, of course.”
“Well, look at you finally owning up to something,” she teased. “I thought you’d end up the person who would never change. I was wrong about you. Proud to see it.”
I wasn't actually speaking about myself, but the analogy fit perfectly for me as well. I realized change was scary. It was hard too.
“I’m supposed to be out here doing some soul searching of my own. At first, I only agreed to do it so that I could get my job back. But now, I realize there’s a lot of benefits in reflecting. Some good, some bad, but all worth it in the end.”
We locked eyes for a moment. I wanted to touch her hand; brush my hand across her cheek. She looked so beautiful staring at me, it made me want to be her lover again. I was aware that there was a lot of mending to be done before that could ever happen, but a guy could dream.
“What’s going to happen with you and your mom now?” I asked. “You guys haven't been on good terms for a long time.”
“I’m done.” Mia dusted her hands of imaginary dirt. “If she wants to continue living the way she does, then so be it. But I won’t let her stress me out along the way. It's been too long, and I've had way too much of her responsibility being shoveled onto my plate. The only way she and I will ever be cordial again is if she gets the help she needs.”
My mom and I weren’t on good terms either. She tried her hardest but always fell short. I never understood why. All of the problems in her life were problems she created for herself, so I didn't understand why it was so hard for her to fix it.
“How’s your mom?” Mia asked. “Are she and my mom still friends?”
“Yep,” I said. “I haven't had a real conversation with my mom in a while now. She showed up at the hospital the night of the fire, but I shooed her away. She was drunk and trying to make up for things that happened when I was a kid. I'm over it. She needs serious help.”
Mia gave a soft smile and shook her head. It was a sad reality for both of us. The fact that our moms were still friends made it feel better than it was, but it was still not ok.
“Still two peas in a pod then, huh?” She smiled at me. “I guess in some crazy way our lives will always be intertwined.”
I thought our lives would be intertwined in a lot of ways. It still felt like there was a lot of love between us stuck somewhere under the rut. Neither one of us admitted to it, but I'm sure she felt it just as much as I did.
“Still two peas in a pod,” I said. “You were one of my best friends, Mia. I'll always be grateful for that.”
“And I'll always be grateful for you too,” she said. “Especially during the times when I needed someone the most. When I think back and remember who was there and what made me feel the best, it was you. Sure, Trent did his big brother's duties, but he never really had the time to understand me as a person. He was too busy taking care of responsibilities and making sure we had food on the table.”
I knew exactly what she meant because she made me feel the best too. I had Uncle Joe to make sure I was taken care of and had everything I needed, but when it came to my feelings and emotions, Mia was the one who helped me regulate them. She made me the happiest.
“Is it too late to fix things between us?”
