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But I’ve already made the decision. When all of this is over, I’m taking my family back to New York, to a new home, a fresh start in a place that’s familiar to my children. I can’t focus on this place the way it deserves, and?—
My chest tightens as I watch the buyer drive away, thinking of what Bella’s reaction is going to be when she finds out that I’m selling. I still haven’t told her. There’s been too much else that’s been chaotic and emotional, and I haven’t wanted to add to it. Especially not when she’s put so much work into the villa.
It’s been impossible to ignore how much she loves it. How happy the work has made her. Even if she thinks I haven’t noticed, I’ve seen her falling in love with the house right in front of my eyes.
You could stay. The whole family could stay. The thought springs into my head as I stand there, breathing in the clean countryside air, the warm sun beating down on my shoulders. If Bella feels about me the way I feel about her, if we were able to be a real family—the four of us?—
I can’t even begin to unravel what that would look like. What it would mean for Cecelia and Danny, in terms of the effect on their lives that it would have beyond just this one summer. If it would be good or bad, better or worse, if I would be isolating them or giving them a chance for a unique experience, one that would shape them in a positive way.
One thing I do feel certain of is that Bella doesn’t have a deep desire to return to New York. I think she could be happy here. And I know deep down, even though I’ve been trying not to think about it, that she will be crushed when she finds out that I’m selling. That the renovations have been for that purpose.
I need to tell her. I’ve been keeping too many secrets from her in service of trying to protect her, and I can’t do that forever. She won’t love me more for it.
After dinner, I ask her to take a walk with me. She looks at me curiously, but agrees, and once dinner is cleaned up, she meets me out on the deck.
She looks beautiful, even in just a pair of jeans and a tank top. Gradually, I’ve seen her become more and more comfortable with wearing clothing that suits the weather while she’s been here. It’s yet another reason that the thought of telling her about the sale of the estate tugs at my heart.
But putting it off won’t change what’s happening. And she’ll only be more upset with me the longer I wait to tell her the truth.
“You look sad.” Bella glances over at me as we start down the path that winds around the stables and down towards the lake. I know some of my security is trailing us at a distance, but they’ve left enough space that there’s at least the illusion of us being alone. It makes me as uncomfortable as I know it does Bella—I’ve spent my life only ever having Gio watching my back, at most. Having so much security, and more on the way, makes me feel hemmed in. “And you were quiet at dinner,” she adds. “Is something wrong? Besides—” She waves a hand in a general ‘everything around us’ gesture, and I chuckle drily.
“I wanted to show you more of the estate. Just the two of us. Tell you a little more about it.”
“It’s beautiful in the evening.” Bella draws in a deep breath, running her hands through her hair as she tugs it up into a ponytail, wrapping a hair tie around it. The sight of her hair brushing along the back of her neck makes me want to move closer to her, run my lips along that smooth line of skin, wrap my hand around her nape, and draw her in for a kiss. That desire throbs through me, momentarily distracting me, and I feel Bella looking in my direction.
“It is,” I agree, my voice a little more hoarse than usual. I clear my throat. “I haven’t been back here in a long time. This place has been running without me for a while now. And so much of it still feels like what I remember from when I was here as a kid.”
“There’s got to be a lot of history here.” There’s a wistful sound in Bella’s voice. “I can see it in the house, as I’ve been working on it. We’ve been trying to preserve as much of it as we can. It feels like there’s so many memories there.” She laughs softly. “I grew up in a house that was so cold. All my father wanted out of a house was a place to display as much wealth as possible, not a home. There was no feeling in it. Nothing personable or warm. Everything here feels like the opposite of that. I think it’s why I love it so much.”
Her admission makes me feel that tug in the center of my chest again. “There is a lot of history,” I agree. “My great-grandfather built this place. Even after my father chose to leave and move the family to New York, we came back here every year. I spent summers here as a kid. I learned to ride here when I was younger. Learned about business with my father from helping him with the estate when I was a teenager. I didn’t appreciate it as much then, but now—” I shrug. “I can see the value of those lessons.”
“Cecelia and Danny have loved being here this summer, too.” Bella glances over at me as we walk, rounding around one of the pastures. “I think they like it as much as I do.”
Once again, there’s a note of something I can’t entirely be sure of in her voice. Wistfulness, maybe.
“I’m glad they got to spend a summer here, the way I used to when I was a kid. We didn’t come back here often when they were little. My parents were getting older and didn’t travel as much. My father did eventually come back towards the very end. And then—” I shrug, although the memory tugs at my emotions. “The last time I was here was for the funeral.”
“I’m sorry,” Bella says softly.
“It’s part of life.” I run a hand through my hair, looking out towards where I can see the lake shimmering in the distance. “But I should have put more effort into coming back, before.”
“Have you thought about it now? Or—staying for longer?” she ventures, and my chest tightens. There’s no avoiding telling her the truth about my intentions now, even though I know it will crush the feeling that we have right now. Right now, the conversation feels warm, intimate, the two of us sharing things about my past that we haven’t talked about before. I don’t want to bring it crashing back down. But there’s no avoiding it.
“I haven’t talked about this because of—well…because of everything else that we both have to deal with.” I draw in a breath, stopping near one of the low stone walls that surrounds a livestock field. “I told you that before what happened with Igor, I had a business trip here planned. That business trip was to come back here and evaluate the estate, so I could make the decision to sell it.”
There’s a heavy silence for several long moments. I can’t bring myself to look at Bella; I don’t want to see the expression on her face. I know it can’t be good.
“Oh,” she finally says, softly, and I can hear the disappointment in her voice.
Maybe even she didn’t realize that she was hoping for some other outcome until right now. I definitely didn’t. But I can hear it, even if neither of us knew about it before.
She wanted to stay. Some part of her was hoping that we wouldn’t go back. And I’ve crushed that hope.
“You’ve—thought about it?” Her voice is very quiet, and when I finally glance over at her, I see that she’s looking away.
“Yes. At length. It wasn’t an easy decision. But I can’t put the focus and effort into it that it deserves. That was the conclusion I came to. And I think—I think it’s for the best. I finished a deal for some of the horses earlier today. That’s the start of it—I still need to find a buyer for the rest of the estate and the house. I have some inquiries, but I want to make sure I sell it to someone who appreciates the history.”
“Have you told Cecelia and Danny?”
