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“Well—” Cecelia frowns. “Can you think about it? It would be cool to have a little sister.”
“Or brother,” Danny pipes up. “We could have a really big family.”
“We would love that,” Cecelia agrees. “So if you and Dad want to, we’re all for it.” She looks at me sagely, as if her father and I must have just been waiting for her approval, and now that we have it, there’s no reason not to start making babies.
I smother a smile, nodding. Cecelia, I’ve learned, sometimes takes herself very seriously. And I don’t want to make her feel bad by making her think that I’m not taking her seriously, as well.
“That’s a conversation I’ll have to have with your father,” I tell her firmly. “Some other time. But for today, let’s just enjoy each other’s company, okay?”
Cecelia nods, going back to her sandwich. Danny has already lost interest in the topic. And as for me—I’m left thinking about something that I hadn’t even really considered before.
I’ve never had a chance to think about whether I want children in the future. Before I left home to go work for Gabriel, it wasn’t a matter of if I wanted them or not. My father was going to sell me to some mafia heir, and I would be required to have his children. I was destined to be a trophy and broodmare, until Gabriel’s offer of a job plucked me out of that situation.
And after that—I haven’t had time to think about if I would one day want children, now that the choice is mine. I’d been too focused on whether or not I would ever feel safe enough to do the things that led to children, let alone whether or not I wanted them. Getting over my aversion to being touched had felt like a first step in a long line of other steps that needed to be taken.
But now?—
My mind drifts back to the same place that it did when I found that nightgown. The same place it had yesterday, when I was cleaning the fireplace and pictured Christmas decorations in the library.
What would I want, if this were all real? If Gabriel and I were in love, if this marriage were forever, instead of an arrangement? Would I want more children with him?
I honestly don’t know the answer to that question.
The thought makes me go quiet, until we finish our lunch. After that, there’s nothing left to do other than go to get the long list of groceries that Agnes sent with us. As we leave to meet Gabriel back at the car, Danny pipes up.
“Can we get ice cream again?”
“Yes!” Cecelia jumps in. “Ice cream!”
I slip my phone out of my pocket, checking the time. We finished a little early, and Gabriel gave me a set of keys to the car. It wouldn’t take long to drop the groceries off there and then go grab gelato for the kids before we leave.
“Alright,” I agree, and both of them let out a cheer. We troop back to the car, loading up the bags, and I hear footsteps on the cobblestones, not very far away.
Or at least, I think I do. I’m so sure that it’s Gabriel that I turn immediately, a smile on my face, ready to tell him that we’re going to go get ice cream first. But the smile dies when I realize there’s no one there.
A shiver runs down my spine, despite the warmth of the day, a tight knot of foreboding forming in my stomach. I’d been relaxed, happy—I’d forgotten, for a little while, to worry about what was always hanging over our heads.
But now it comes back sharply, and I turn to look at the kids.
“We should wait here for your dad.”
“What?” Danny pouts immediately. “You said we could get ice cream.”
“I know. But—” I look for an excuse, anything that isn’t exactly a lie but won’t frighten them. “The time got away from me,” I finish lamely, which definitely isn’t true—but I don’t know what to say. I’m too unsettled to come up with anything better at the moment.
Both kids look entirely disappointed, and it only makes me feel worse. But I can’t shake the feeling that someone was following us, watching us—that they got close, and I don’t want to take even a few steps away from the car. I don’t want to risk anything happening. Fear crawls down my spine, my skin prickling, and all I want is for Gabriel to get back from his meeting.
All I want is him.
“Bella?”
I yelp at the sound of his voice, and his arm slides around my waist, pulling me up against him. I blink, looking up into the sunlight, and see his handsome face looking down at me, his forehead wrinkled with worry.
“Bella, what’s going on?”
I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly feeling dry as paper. “I think we were followed,” I whisper, not wanting Cecelia or Danny to hear. “I think someone is watching us.”
20
