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“I’m sure.” Clara leans against her counter, her expression pensive. “I’m just saying—if something happens, I wouldn’t be so quick to shy away from it. I think he makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy, Bella.”
Long after we’ve turned the conversation to other things, long after I’ve hung up, and as I’m lying in bed, waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in, I can’t shake that last statement out of my head. I think he makes you happy.
She’s right. There are so many times when Gabriel has made me happy. I think, in the short time that I’ve known him, he’s made me happier than anyone else I’ve ever had in my life, except for Clara.
It’s part of why I don’t want to lose him—even if that means never making this more than it is right now.
10
GABRIEL
The next morning, the household wakes up slowly. It’s Bella’s day off, but she still comes down just as we’re finishing up breakfast, still in leggings and a long t-shirt with her hair piled atop her head. Even like that, freshly out of bed, the sight of her still makes my heart beat oddly in my chest.
Yesterday, I could hardly keep my hands off of her. It was a good thing we weren’t alone by the lake, or I’m not sure I could have stopped myself from kissing her. Only the possibility of Cecelia and Danny seeing, and having questions I’m not ready to answer, kept me from doing just that.
Damn, the agreement we made. Damn the consequences. Every day that passes here with her, since I got her back from Igor’s clutches and brought her to Italy with me, makes me want to throw caution to the wind and tell her that I want her. That I don’t care that we agreed to only one night. The possibility of losing her hangs heavily over me, but all it’s done since I got her onto that jet is make me feel almost frantic with the need to have her in my arms again.
I need to focus on keeping her safe. On keeping all of us safe. It’s harder to do that if my mind is clouded with other things, preoccupied with thoughts of what I want to be doing with her, to her, every moment of the day. But it’s almost impossible to push those thoughts aside.
“We’re going into town,” I tell her as she sits down at the table and reaches out to scoop fruit salad into a bowl. “If you want to come too, we’re going to do some shopping. We need more supplies for the house, groceries, things like that.”
“That sounds nice.” Bella pokes at a slice of orange with her fork. “I could use some more warm-weather clothes. And I’d like to see the town.” Even as she says it, there’s a worried look on her face, that small line between her eyes that tells me she’s tense. I don’t need to ask to know what it is that she’s worried about.
She still has that look when she comes back downstairs, dressed now in a pretty yellow maxi dress printed with paisley and white daisies. She’s not wearing anything to cover her shoulders and arms, and my pulse beats faster at the sight of her sharp collarbones under the thin straps, the curve of her shoulders that makes my fingers itch to slide over them. Her hair is loose, the front braided back and pinned, and I remember all too clearly how soft it felt against my hands, how it felt trailing over my skin.
A rush of blood south makes me abruptly try to turn my thoughts in a different direction. But Bella has this effect on me, whenever she’s close. I can smell the sweet scent of her soap, warm on her skin, and my heart trips in my chest when I see that she’s wearing those thin, dangling chain earrings that sweep along the column of her neck.
I shove my hands into my pockets as I watch her descend the stairs, trying not to imagine how it would feel to trace that same line with my fingertips, to feel her skin prickle under my touch. To cup the back of her neck in my palm, and?—
“Are you ready to go?” Bella asks, the worried look on her face softening a little into a small smile as she sees me standing there. “Cecelia and Danny will be down in just a second.”
I nod, clearing my throat. “The car is waiting outside. We’ll take the Land Rover; I want to drive it as much as possible.”
Bella doesn’t ask why, which I’m grateful for—I don’t want to say that it’s because it’ll most likely be sold along with the rest of the estate once I find a buyer. I’ve considered shipping it home to New York, but a part of me thinks that I need to let all of this go. That it’s best to just unload all of this history at once, rather than clinging to small parts of the past. Keeping one thing will only make me regret letting go of the rest.
“What about—” Her voice catches, and that line between her eyes deepens. “Is it safe to go into town? Especially in something that—indefensible?”
“I don’t have bulletproof SUVs here, Bella.” I don’t have them at home, either, but I instantly regret the glib statement when I see her eyes flicker with fear. “Gio is keeping me updated on the situation at home,” I continue gently, stepping closer to her so that I can speak quietly and still be heard. “Right now, there’s nothing to fear. Igor has made no moves that we’re aware of. And we have ample security here.”
“That can’t be true.” She pitches her voice low, too, and I can hear the fear threading through it. It makes my chest ache. I want nothing more than to dispel that fear, to make her believe that everything is truly going to be alright. I want her to trust that I can protect her. That I will never, ever allow anyone to hurt her again.
I have every intention of doing just that. But some things are beyond my power, and Bella knows that. It’s why even as close as we’re standing right now, there’s still distance between us.
“Igor isn’t going to just let me go,” she continues, that fear pulsing through every word. “If your men haven’t found any signs that he’s preparing to move, it’s because he’s hiding whatever he’s planning. He’s going to find me, Gabriel, you know he will?—”
“And if he does, I’ll stop him before anything happens to you.” I curl my hands into fists, to keep myself from reaching for her, from sliding my palms over her arms, pulling her close to me. It feels like the pull of a magnet, like it’s nearly impossible to stop. “He’s not here yet. I have men watching for him. Checking flight logs, watching for private flights. Keeping watch still on his mansion back in New York for signs of him coming and going. I have men looking into his connections, asking questions. I’m taking it all seriously, Bella. And I promise you, today at least, there’s nothing to fear. He’s not here. No one is going to hurt you today.”
And tomorrow? Or the day after? She doesn’t say it aloud, but I can hear it anyway, in her tremulous, shaky voice. Not accusing, but afraid. The thought that I can’t assuage her fear claws at me, makes me want to fight even harder to make her believe otherwise.
“There will be security following us today. Even if something were to happen, there will be men watching out for you, for all of us. But nothing will happen,” I promise her, and for today, at least, I feel confident that it’s a promise I can keep. “We’ll be safe.”
I can see on her face that she wants to believe me. That she needs this as much as I do—more, probably. A time where we’re not afraid, where we can simply be. I took us far away from New York so that could be a possibility. But nowhere is far enough for Igor to not be a looming threat, for Bella most of all.
The clattering of feet behind her heralds Cecelia and Danny running down the stairs, and her face smooths in an instant, betraying none of the fear and uncertainty that was there a moment ago. She takes a breath, a smile on her face as she turns towards them. “Are you ready?” she asks, her voice bright as if it wasn’t just shaking a moment ago. “I’m excited to see a new town, aren’t you?”
Watching her with them always warms me from the inside out. Bella is technically not working today, so she doesn’t have to be responsible for them, but it comes naturally to her. It seems effortless, the way she checks to make sure they both have everything they need, that Danny’s shoes are tied, that Cecelia’s ribbons in the braids she put her hair in are straight. She herds them towards the door as we walk outside, and that ache in my chest returns, that feeling that I want to keep her with us forever. Bella has become a natural part of our family, and I don’t want to lose her for more reasons than one.
I push the thought out of my head as she gets Cecelia and Danny into the car, climbing up into the passenger’s seat as I open the door for her. Every small movement she makes catches my eye, from the way she tucks the long skirt of her dress around her legs to her fingers brushing a loose piece of hair out of her face. It takes everything in me not to reach out for her hand or to put mine on her thigh as we reach the main road, and I shift the car into the final gear.
