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Gabriel gives me a faint smile, clearly relieved that I’ve let it go for now. “We’re going to my family’s estate,” he says, and I look up sharply at that, surprised. He laughs. “I didn’t realize you’d be so caught off guard.”
“You never mentioned an estate in Italy before.” It comes out before I can really think about the implications of such a statement—there’s no reason he would have ever mentioned it to me, unless he just wanted to talk about it. At the end of the day, no matter what else has passed between us, I work for Gabriel. The circumstances are strange now, after all that’s happened in the last few days, but I’m still just his children’s nanny, a woman he employed to do a job. We were more than that, briefly—but we’ve never been together, not really. The reminder aches in a way that I didn’t expect it to, and I look down, unable to meet his eyes for a moment.
I can’t tell if he picks up on what I’m thinking, but his voice is quiet when he responds.
“I didn’t think to mention it. I haven’t been back in a long time. Years—not since Cecelia was small. I’m only going back now because—” He lets out a breath. “Well, that’s not really important. But what is important is that it should be relatively safe. It’s far from any large city—there’s a small town adjacent to it, but it’s out in the countryside. If Igor sends men to come sniffing around, it will be noticeable.”
“And what if he does?” I swallow hard, my arms tightening around my knees. The fear weighs me down, the thought rattling in my head that it doesn’t matter how far we run or what plans Gabriel makes. Igor is never going to let this go.
“I’m arranging for some security,” Gabriel promises. “How much will depend on what my intelligence here tells me. I’ve tried to stay out of the deadlier parts of the mafia business, but I do have some contacts,” he says with a wan smile. “I’ll be keeping an eye on the situation from a distance. And I’ll adjust accordingly.” He sees my expression, and sighs. “I’ve got it, Bella. I hadn’t fully grasped how deadly the situation would be before. I’m going to make sure I don’t underestimate him this time.”
“What is the estate like?” I grasp for a topic, something that might distract me, that will keep me from thinking that this is hopeless. I can’t undo Gabriel rescuing me—and in my heart of hearts, I can’t say that I want to, as guilty as it makes me feel. But at the same time, I can’t help but also feel that we’re all going to suffer now, when it could have only been me. “I’ve never been out of the country before. I’ve actually never flown before,” I add with a small, forced laugh.
“It’s beautiful.” Gabriel runs a hand through his hair, and I can tell that he’s still agitated. “There’s a working vineyard there. It’s what brings in most of the estate’s income. And racehorses, as well. That’s the other, smaller part. My father loved them, although the profit was often questionable—horses, especially those, are expensive to keep and train. But they were his pride and joy.” There’s a faint smile on his face, remembering. “There’s some additional livestock there as well that I’m sure Cecelia and Danny will love. Goats, sheep. Lambs, this time of year. They’ve never seen it—like I said, Cecelia was just a baby the last time I was there. I was going to go alone, for business, but?—”
He trails off, knowing he doesn’t need to finish the sentence, to elaborate on why we’re all going instead. “This seemed like the best option to keep everyone safe,” he says finally. “I was putting the trip off for a while, because I didn’t want to leave Cecelia and Danny. I was actually coming home early…that day…to tell you that I’d be going on the trip, since you have adjusted so well to taking care of them.”
And because you needed space from me. I see the flicker of guilt in his eyes, the way he looks quickly away. He’d planned to go on the trip to put space between us, to let things cool off so that we could go back to the way they were before—before we slept together, before I gave him my virginity.
“But you came home to find us all at gunpoint instead.” My voice cracks, tears burning hotly behind my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I manage, looking up and seeing his gaze on me once again. “I’m sorry I brought all of this down on you?—”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Gabriel’s voice is knife-sharp, cutting through the air between us. “This isn’t your fault, Bella, and I don’t ever want you to think it is.”
“If I hadn’t taken the job—or if I’d told you sooner—” The words spill out, and I can’t stop them, guilt weighing me down. “And now, Igor is going to be even more furious, and—” My voice cracks, unshed tears burning behind my eyelids.
“Bella.” This time he does stand up, crossing the space between us and getting down on the floor next to me. His legs are almost touching mine as he reaches out, his fingers wrapping around the sides of my hands. “I wanted to help you, from the moment you ran into me in that hallway. I would have wanted to help you no matter what. I underestimated the threat Igor posed, but that’s my fault, not yours. I knew as soon as you opened up to me that night that there were risks, and I chose to take them on. This isn’t your fault.”
He says it again, firmly, and I look up at him with watery eyes.
“Okay,” I whisper, even though I don’t know if I fully believe it. I’m not sure how he can. It’s objectively true that if I’d never taken his offer of a job, if I’d never been in his life, then this would have never touched him and his family. I don’t know how he can say that it doesn’t matter, that he doesn’t blame me, and mean it. Especially when it’s far from over.
His gaze meets mine, and I feel that tension ripple through the air again, spreading through me. I’m aching with wanting him, even just the feeling of having him close, but I can also feel exhaustion settling in—all the fear and uncertainty of the past days combined with the adrenaline of our escape weighing me down. But there’s one thing that I know I want, for sure.
“Can you stay with me while I sleep?” I ask softly, my fingers curling against his. “My pills are back at your house. And?—”
“I brought them for you.” Gabriel stands up, motioning to a bag by the door that I hadn’t noticed before, but now recognize as a quilted fabric duffel that belongs to me. The pretty blue print cheers me up somehow, a hint of something familiar in all of this uncertain terrain. “I brought some of your things, too. I always planned on coming to get you, Bella,” he adds softly. “I wasn’t going to leave you there.”
I bite my lip, nodding, trying to show only gratitude and not my disappointment or the lingering fear, as he unzips a pocket on the bag, fishing out the small orange bottle of my trazodone. “But,” he adds, his gaze flicking to mine, “of course I’ll stay, Bella, if you still want me to.”
Relief washes over me. “Yes,” I say softly, pushing myself to my feet and reaching for the bottle. “At least until I fall asleep.”
Gabriel sinks down onto the edge of the bed as I disappear into the small bathroom. I feel off-balance, and I grip the edges of the narrow sink, trying to get my bearings. I’ve never even been on a plane before, and it feels disconcerting, standing in what feels like a normal, if small, bathroom while also being thousands of feet in the air. The luxury of the private jet isn’t surprising, exactly—it’s just that I never imagined this, and it feels like a lot, in the midst of all of this chaos. It also feels like one thing that I can latch onto as feeling strange, that doesn’t come with a whole host of other feelings along with it.
I wash my face and change into something to sleep in, glad to be out of the clothes that Igor gave me. I kick them into a pile in the corner, making a mental note to tell Gabriel that I don’t ever want to wear them again.
The clothes sitting on the counter—my clothes—are a testament to just how thoughtful Gabriel is, how he knew that I might be thrown right back into all the symptoms of my PTSD all over again from this, and anticipated it. There’s a pair of long pink-and-white striped sleep pants, and a long-sleeved blush pink shirt, both soft and cozy. I slip into them and immediately feel a sense of comfort.
Quickly, I wash down the pill, and walk back out into the bedroom. Gabriel has kicked his shoes off and changed into a pair of black pajama pants and a grey t-shirt, his hair curling slightly from the rain and humidity. He looks younger, handsome, and boyish despite the scruff on his face, and desire blooms through me as I look at him, soft and warm.
But I know better. Even if we both wanted to do this again—and I’m no longer sure that he does—tonight isn’t the time. Not when emotions are running so high, and we’re both so exhausted, not when there’s so much left unsaid. But I can’t help wanting him, as I look at him and remember how it felt to have his hands sliding all over me, his mouth on my skin?—
“Bella.” Gabriel moves over, patting the bed, and I walk towards him, my pulse picking up pace even though I know nothing is going to happen. I slide under the covers, and he slides in next to me, his body curving around mine as he drapes his arm over my waist.
“I didn’t know the bed would be so comfortable,” I whisper drowsily, the sleeping pill already taking hold, and Gabriel chuckles softly.
“I’m a billionaire, Bella. This is a private jet. Did you think I’d have an air mattress in the bedroom?”
I giggle despite myself, sinking into the warmth of him pressed against me, luxuriating in the feeling of having him so close. Of it being alright, at least for this one night, to have him hold me with no questions asked, no complications about what it might or might not mean. “I didn’t really think about it at all,” I admit. “I never wondered if you had one. And we were running for our lives when you told me, so?—”
