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Disappointment washes over me as I convince myself I've just overworked and underfed myself into passing out at the bar. But then the doctor walks in.
"Hello, Matilda," he greets me, glancing at my chart. My heart skips—nobody in Burlington knows that's my real name.
"Uh, hi, doctor."
“Feeling okay?” he asks, checking my bag of fluids before sitting down. I nod. “Great! But you my dear, are anemic. That’s why you passed out. Babies are fine and you’re fine. But I want you to take some iron supplements in addition to your prenatals.” He grabs a pen light from his pocket and shines it in each eye. “You did hit your head when you fell and have a nasty bump, but no cut and no signs of a concussion.” He tucks the pen light back into his lab coat. “Okay! So you can head home, but I’d like you to finish off this bag of fluids since you were a little dehydrated. Follow up with your OB in a few days. Okay?”
“Sure,” I say. I don’t have an OB. I have an appointment to go into the clinic next week. The provider there assured me it was completely normal to wait so long for the first appointment. Still, something about the doctors words have my brain spinning. In my current state of overwhelmed confusion, I can't put my finger on it at all.
“Alright then, Matilda. Have a good night. Drink more water,” he says, removing the gloves.
As he leaves, the nurse re-enters. "Matilda? There's someone here to see you."
My heart races, bracing to face Tommy again. But instead, Henrietta walks in.
"Hi, baby," she greets me, and any resolve I have melts away as she wraps me in an embrace, prompting tears to flood my eyes. We hug like we’re both afraid the other is a mirage. Her hands are clutched onto me with such affection that I never want to let go. How long has it been since I’ve gotten such a genuine hug? Maybe never. I knew Henrietta for exactly one night. Yet, she’s here and it’s obvious she was worried about me. When I finally find my voice, I pull away, swiping at my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Henrietta."
"Oh nonsense, baby, there's nothing to be sorry about. You did what you thought you had to. It’s actually admirable, " she says. I don’t want to agree or disagree. What I did wasn’t admirable. Maybe at the time I thought it was, but seeing how it affected her, and knowing how it did the same thing to Tommy and Sam, it feels entirely selfish. After a moment, she asks, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, they said I can go home," I tell her, the word "home" sparking a longing inside me.
"Tilly, baby, you know that's with us. This is all just temporary. Come back, baby."
“I can’t, Henrietta. You know that.” I’m wiping at my eyes. If I thought I was unprepared for Tommy, seeing Henrietta is a million times worse. But her appearance makes sense. Turning her down is much harder than turning Tommy down. Henrietta has a way of making me feel so comfortable and safe. In my own head, I refer to it as the ‘super mom effect.’ Something Henrietta has nailed down to a T. “Tommy sent you, didn’t he?”
Henrietta gives a knowing smile. "He's a smart man, and he's hurting."
The thought of how much they might know frightens me. Did anyone tell them about the baby? I don’t have the courage to ask.
"We'll keep you safe," Henrietta assures, understanding my fear. "Miranda and Tommy have a plan, Tilly. She’s ready to help, really help. Just come home."
Home. No place on Earth had ever felt as much a home as the days I spent in Henrietta’s house in the mountains. Though Jemma has been a true friend, I’ve still felt alone in Burlington. Really, I’ve just been pushing through for the sake of my baby. It’s so tempting that I find my body shaking.
“We’ll help you, Tilly. Everyone is—”
I yell out "No!" in panic. “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you! They set your house on fire, Henrietta!” Henrietta tries to reassure me, but the thought of them getting hurt because of me is unbearable.
“I don’t need to be fussed over—”
“You do! What if next time they bring a gun or you don’t get out of the house in time? They’ll hurt you eventually. They always do.”
Henrietta is on her feet, looking down at me with disappointment shining in her eyes. “I’ve heard it all before. You’re worth it, Tilly. To my son, and especially to me. I’m a mother, it’s my job to protect the ones I love. You might not be used to it, and sure as heck seems like you don’t like it, but it’s still my job.” She sighs as she adjusts her purse on her shoulder then lifts her chin high. "But at some point, we're going to stop asking. Every time you say no, a little bigger chunk of him gets broken off." She’s already walking out, leaving me feeling even more torn. After she’s gone, I lay back, closing my eyes against the flood of emotions overwhelming me.
Chapter thirty
Tommy
Sitting in the waiting room, I can't keep my leg from jiggling, my nerves getting the better of me as I bite my nails. When Mom comes back out, shaking her head, my heart sinks.
"I tried, Tommy. I'm sorry."
I'm on my feet in an instant, heading toward the door, but Mom grabs my hand. "Let her think on it," she says. But Tilly is here, right behind those doors, and she’s hurt.
We sit back down, and I bury my head in my hands. Did I really hear right? That bartender mentioned to the EMTs that Tilly was pregnant.
But then, I saw Tilly kissing that guy over the bar. The one with the kid. Did someone else get her pregnant or is it… could it possibly be mine? We were together two months ago that much I know, though, technically, it only takes one night with some other asshole to do the deed I guess. I force the thought away; dwelling on it would drive me insane. Ma's right—Tilly knows I'm here, that I want her to come home with me and Ma. Miranda's been keeping her family at bay, none of them are even in Tahoe anymore. But Tilly being in the hospital? I called Miranda the second I saw the ambulance pull away.
She’s ready. It was the final push needed to get her on board with the plan to turn on her family. I’m a wreck. You ever see those people at the store that are just… done? They have no fucks left to give and let it show. Their clothes are ragged, their eyes wild, hair a tangled mess. They got that from me and actually toned it down a bit.
