Page 77 of Leo, My Partner
“I know what you mean. I’m sad too. Ivan was the only parent I had that cared about me. After spending so much time with someone, it’s hard not to feel something for them. Ivan was … my family.” For the first time in my life, I know what normal people feel. This is grief.
Ty frames my face, his expression one of deep sorrow. “I know, baby. I’m always here if you need me. You want to talk about him?”
I shake my head. “No. I think everything that needed to be said to and about Ivan already was. Thank you, though.” I lean in and give him a soft kiss, easing both of our sadness.
A few days later, the urn with Ivan’s ashes is delivered to my condo, and Ty and I head to the cabin to spread them. Ty asked why I didn’t include everyone, but me and Ivan were a team. The funeral service was for everyone else. This is private.
Ty and I walk to where we have target practice, where we took Ivan on his last good day and spread his ashes. Sniffles fill the air as Ty dips his hand into the urn for a fistful of ashes. “I hope you’ve found peace, Ivan.” He lets the ashes slip through his fingers.
Tipping the urn over, I walk around, spreading the ashes evenly around the tree stumps. “Peace be with you, Ivan. Thank you for all your lessons,” I mutter in Russian.
When all of his ashes are emptied from the urn, I walk back over to Ty, who gathers me in his arms. “I love you, baby,” Ty says, giving me comfort with his strength.
“I love you too, kotenok. Thank you for being here with me.”
Ty smiles, rubbing my cheek with his clean hand. “Always. Now let’s go clean up the house. Ivan didn’t leave much of a mess, but I want to air it out. The cloud of death seems to be hanging over the place.”
Nodding, I give him a quick kiss, and we thread our fingers together.
We start cleaning up immediately. I plan to purchase a new mattress in the next few days. No way will I lie Ty on this bed, knowing Ivan took his last breath on it.
Some of the desserts Ty made for Ivan are still out, and I grab a piece of strawberry pirog, the last thing Ty fed him. It’s hard to swallow with the lump lodged in my throat, but I manage. Ivan was right, Ty made these perfectly. I only had them once when we went into town and Ivan was in a giving mood. He turned it down, saying no one could make it as good as his grandmother. Ty changed his mind on that front.
The man in question steps out of the bedroom, stuffing the used sheets in a garbage bag. He snaps off his gloves and slides them in the bag as well before walking over to me. He scoops up a piece of pirog, biting into it and groaning. “Maybe we should add this to the menu. Or I can switch them out. Dedicate one day a month to Ivan. What do you think?”
Smiling, I turn and put my arm around his waist. “You really loved him, didn’t you?”
“Is it weird that I looked at him like a grandfather in such a short period of time? Even though he seemed cold, he reminded me of you. His tales, his life, his demeanor.”
“I’m not a cranky old man,” I retort, jostling him in my arms.
“No?” Ty asks, voice light as he smiles at me. I raise an eyebrow at him. He laughs, shaking his head. Then he sobers. “I’m going to miss him. Despite only knowing him for a few months, I loved him.”
Smiling a sad smile, I nod. “He loved you too, kotenok. He may have never said it, but he looked at you with love.”
Ty kisses me again, then sighs. “Ivan didn’t have much, but what do you want me to do with his suitcase?”
“I’ll put it in the storage closet here,” I say. Ty nods, pulling his lips in. “Hey, don’t be sad, kotenok. Ivan lived a full life. He did what he wanted and loved.” I wipe the tear streaking down his face.
A quick laugh bursts from his lips, and I look at him in confusion.
“For a psychopath, you sure know what to say when I’m hurting. Thank you.” Ty kisses my palm.
“I’ll always be here to comfort you, Tyshawn. I love you. I’m so glad you’re in my life, kotenok.”
“I feel the same way. Who would have thought me walking in on you after you killed someone would have led to this? Love, a new bakery, more family? My life feels more complete now, and it’s all because of you.”
Lacing our fingers together, I lead him into the room and grab Ivan’s suitcase. I glance down at the tattered case, weighing it in my hand. In this case are the last possession of a man I looked up to. The possessions of a man that meant more to me than I thought.
Blu told me that psychopaths aren’t all built the same. The tumult of emotions I feel towards Ivan solidifies that. He might have been a mean and ornery old man, but he cared for me. He showed it by his diligence to teach me what I needed to know to survive.
My father told me Ivan would end up killing me for my attitude, his voice almost sounding hopeful. But Ivan molded me into a man that could kill and remain free, giving me tools to survive this life I didn’t ask for.
“You’re my family, kotenok. You’re mine just as I’m yours. You’re not going to leave me, right? No matter what?” I can’t help how small my voice sounds. Ivan was the one constant in my life. Now that he’s gone, my mind is spinning, and I want to hold on to everything I have. I tried to hold on to him, give him all I could in his last few days, but I wasn’t able to keep him here. Ty has to stay with me.
Ty smiles knowingly, hugging me tight. “I’ll never leave you, baby. You’re mine. You can’t get rid of me now.”
I kiss the top of his head and hold him tight. I never want to let him go. We’re forever.
