Page 72 of Leo, My Partner
He nods, our rough cheeks sliding together. “Okay, Ethan. Okay.”
He hardens almost instantly as I stroke him under the hot water a few times, my fingertips rolling the bars that pierce his skin, making his body jerk and his breath catch in his lungs before I lower my hips and guide him back.
He settles his hands on my waist as I curl my body around his, burying my face into his neck as I sink down. There is only water to lessen the friction, and it’s not enough and it burns and stretches as his body tries to fight its way inside of mine. He snaps his hips upward, a tiny, subtle movement, but it’s too much and it hurts, and a sob breaks free from my chest.
He shakes his head and tries to pull away, but I settle even more of my weight onto him.
“Please.” The word is ragged and broken. It’s filled with all of my pain and grief and loss, and somehow, Blue knows what I’m asking for with a singleword. I need this. I need the pain and the intensity. I need him to ground me here in this moment where there is nothing but the feel of his body connecting with mine.
There is so much pressure and his fingers are digging into my skin hard enough to bruise as he pulls me slowly downward. Our foreheads are pressed together and we’re panting in unison. Groans escape from deep in my chest, sharp, pained inhales and shuddering exhales. We’re both trembling and clinging to one another as my body slowly opens for him. I slide down, inch by inch, until I’m sitting on his lap, and it stings and stretches and I’m so full and he’s so very deep inside of me. I shift my hips, moving to lift back up, but his hands hold me tightly in place.
“Blue. Please. Move.”
“Shhhh. Not yet, love. Just sit here with me. Just feel me.”
My fingernails are digging into the back of his neck, and my teeth are scraping across his skin as I clench around him again and again. It’s too much and not enough and I need to move, but he holds me still and whispers against my neck and places lingering kisses on my cheeks and shoulder. He moans my name and exhales breathless curses with each small movement my hips manage within his tight grip. We’re curled together, grasping and clutching and clinging. Every time my hips try to rock, his hands tighten, holding me down as he presses up. He presses deeper, harder. He fills me andstretches me in a way I’ve never known possible, and my whole world narrows to the point where we’re connected. My body molds around him like I was made to hold him this way, and I’ve never fit anywhere like I do in Blue’s arms. We’re barely moving, but it doesn’t matter because I’m so full, heart and mind and body, and I don’t need anything else.
Our lips brush together as words bubble up in my chest. Words I’ve felt for so long. Words I wanted to tell him before reality crumbled around me. Words I need him to hear.
“I love you.” My words come out as a breathy whisper against his lips, and he takes them into his lungs with a deep, trembling inhale, and then his mouth seizes mine in a kiss that erases the entirety of the universe. His hips thrust up and I scream into his kiss as he shudders inside of me and crushes me in his embrace. He thrusts once more, and I writhe against him. Grinding and moaning and biting down on his bottom lip as I join him with a deep shaking whimper as my own release washes over me.
The water is slowly cooling around us, but it doesn’t matter, not when Blue’s warm chest is pressed to mine, and my legs are tangled around his hips, and his cock is still resting inside of me, soft and slick.
“Ethan.”
Goosebumps rise as his breath tickles across my damp shoulder, and I’m too content to be bothered to do anything more than hum in response. “Hmm.”
“I know that this afternoon doesn’t mean you’re okay.”
I shift to pull back so that I can look into his eyes, but his fingers tighten in my hair, and he holds me in place.
“Shhh, just listen, okay? I know that you’re going to feel Jordyn’s loss for a long time, and I need you to know that that’s okay, that I don’t ever want you to feel like you need to hide your hurt or what he meant to you. Just let me be with you when things are rough, okay?”
His fingers relax once he’s finished speaking, and I lean back just far enough to press our foreheads together.
“Don’t let me run again, okay? I don’t ever want to run from you. I’ll try my best, but when things get hard, just wait for me like you always have, alright? Just love me, and I’ll love you, and we’ll find a way through it together. We’ll find a way through anything together.”
Blue
We drain and refill the tub, shivering and clinging together with soft laughter as we wait to sink into fresh, warm water. We take our time shaving and leisurely washing one another, fingers and lips relearning angles and curves and memorizing the softness of wet skin. The house is empty when we finally leave the bathroom, and I hope that Jayce and Namid left right after we got home so they didn’t have to hear us in the tub. I’m the furthest thing from a prude, but in a way, they’re like Ethan’s brothers, brothers he hasn’t even had a chance to reconnect with yet, and I don’t think listening to us fuck in the bathtub is necessarily the best way for them to start bonding.
It turns out that bathtub sex might be magical, but it’s not magic. Ethan manages to stay with me long enough to eat some soup and toast before curling up in my arms on the couch, but we’re not even halfway through a movie before he’s sniffling quietly. He’s once again lost in tears by the time I get him to bed. This time, though, he’s not alone. He doesn’t ask me to leave or pullaway from my touch. He curls into my chest, and I hold him, tracing my fingers along his spine and whispering into his hair. I tell him that I love him and that everything will be okay. I tell him that the part of his heart that belongs to Jordyn will always exist, and that’s a good thing because it means he’ll never truly be completely gone. He cries harder for a while after that, but then he calms and curls further into my arms and drifts to sleep. I hope when he dreams, there is only love and trees and laughter.
He’s still sound asleep when I slip out of bed and settle on the couch to watch the pale morning sunlight filter in through the windows with the first of what will likely be many espressos. I’m grateful that, unlike me, Ethan has spent the money on a machine that produces actual coffee rather than mud or plastic-flavored water. The knock at the front door that startles me from a daydream is so quiet I barely hear it, but I’m sure anyone who’s knocking at the unholy hour of nine a.m. knows what’s been going on and doesn’t want to bother Ethan if they can avoid it.
“Hi. How’s…everything?” Namid’s smile is hesitant and hopeful as he stands at the door with Jayce’s arms wrapped tightly around him from behind.
“Hey, guys. They’re umm…better, I guess. I mean, maybe not better. I don’t think he’s going to feel much better for a long time, but he’s trying to let me in, so I think…ya…better.”
We stareat one another for a long, heavy moment before I realize that I’m still standing in the doorway and they’re out in the cold.
“Fuck, sorry, come in.”
“No.” Jayce responds so abruptly it almost startles me, and Namid smacks his arm and smiles up at him before turning back to me, shaking his head with a laugh.
“Sorry about that. It’s kind of you to offer, but we need to head home. We’ve been more than happy to be here to help out for the past few weeks, and all you need to do is reach out, and we’ll come back if you need us. But it’s been…a lot…for me to be around this much pain for so long.” He cringes and bites at his bottom lip like he’s trying to decide whether or not he has more to say. “I, umm…I’m very…empathic, I guess. Other people’s emotions really get to me, and being around so much loss for this long…” He exhales sharply. “Well, it’s just been a lot, and as long as you think you guys will be okay on your own for a while, I really need to go home.”
“Of course. I know we haven’t really gotten much of a chance to talk, but I hope you know how grateful I am that…”
