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“What is it about?” Garrett looked down at Maxwell, and with Maxwell having pulled himself into such a tight posture, Garrett realized how much he loomed over him in the small space. Like Kurt must have done. He winced, then spun his chair around and sat down in it. He set his elbows on his knees and looked up at Maxwell instead. “Why did you get mad at me when I went to Leon about him?”
Maxwell looked down at Garrett, and his lips twisted briefly into something that looked like a smile and then settled into a grimace. Garrett had a feeling he knew the answer to his question, and he braced to hear it.
Maxwell licked his lips. “Because I can’t let you do the same thing to me.”
Garrett forced himself to inhale slowly and calmly as his heart bled out in his chest. He exhaled just as slowly and dammed up the damage. Whatever pain he might be feeling was nothing compared to the agony of the man in front of him. Maxwell was an open wound still festering and infected after all these years. Garrett had only ever seen the scab, but Kurt had shown up and ripped it off, and now Garrett could finally see the extent of the damage that had always been there.
“It’s not about you.” Maxwell took a step toward him—the first he’d taken since the conversation began.
Garrett gave him a small smile to see the concern and guilt on his face. Garrett nodded. “I know.”
“You just—” Maxwell’s hands shook at his sides. “You can’t imagine the shame. That I let him do that to me. That I lost myself to him.”
Garrett watched Maxwell shake with outrage and kept the insistence that it wasn’t Maxwell’s fault locked behind his teeth. Maxwell didn’t want to hear it.
“I’ll never let that happen again.” Maxwell closed his eyes, and slowly, the fight went out of him, and the cold, reserved way he’d always held himself that Garrett had never really questioned settled back into his frame. “So we’re not doing whatever it is you seem to want. You are not mine. I am not yours. And that’s it.”
Maxwell turned away, sat in his own chair, and rotated it out to face the window.
But that wasn’t it. Not for Garrett.
“What is it that you think I want, Maxwell?”
Maxwell pressed his lips together and glanced at him out of the corner of his eye before staring resolutely out at the storm. “You want me to come running to you every time I have a problem.”
Garrett shook his head. “I just want to help you with your problems.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.” Maxwell spun his chair around again and scowled at him. “You—” But then he stopped, and his scowl fell into thoughtfulness.
Garrett raised his eyebrows. “I what?”
Maxwell sighed. “I was going to say that you want me to be reliant on you, but I don’t actually think that’s true.”
“No.” Garrett quirked a half smile. “I want you to know that you can rely on me. But that’s not the same thing.”
Maxwell huffed. “This is a meaningless conversation. I know that you’re not”—he winced—“I think I know that you’re not him. But like I said, this isn’t about you.”
“No, this is about you.” Garrett debated with himself and then took a chance and put his hand on Maxwell’s knee. Maxwell stiffened but didn’t push it off. “Last night, he said you must have been so lonely while he was gone.”
Maxwell’s upper lip curled, and he grabbed at Garrett’s hand as though to shove it off, but then he just squeezed it instead. “Yes, I was there too.”
“You didn’t deny it.”
Maxwell’s grip flexed around Garrett’s hand. “You did.”
“But I was wrong.” Garrett slid his hand just a little bit higher up Maxwell’s thigh. “I saw the way you looked at me last night. You know I did. And I saw it this morning, and I saw it just now.”
Maxwell’s hand stayed on Garrett’s as it inched up past his knee, and he swallowed. “Moments of weakness.”
“Maybe. When was the last time someone touched you, Maxwell?” Garrett saw Maxwell flinch, and his breath caught. He massaged his fingers gently into Maxwell’s thigh. “Was it him?”
Maxwell looked down at their hands and tightened his grip on Garrett’s until his fingers turned white, then let out a tremulous breath. “Yes.”
Garrett swallowed and wet his lips. “Let me.”
