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Leon didn’t know what the doctor had to do with it, but he was too tired to care. Hurt, disappointment, and resignation had sapped away whatever strength and energy he’d had that had made him seek out Sebastian in the first place.
Hope. That’s what that strength and energy had been.
But the hope was gone now, and all he wanted to do was go to sleep.
* * *
Leon stumbled through the next morning on autopilot. He dragged himself out of bed, washed up in the sink, and brushed his teeth. He choked down some food in the mess, then planted himself in the back of the room as Joan gave the Carta Team briefing. He tried to pay attention as she flicked through her dossiers on all the major players of the cartel but found his mind wandering and his eyes crossing after just the first two: the human and klah’eel founders, Zyk and Ha’ral.
Once she was done, he stepped forward to wish them all goodbye and good luck. He gave an affectionate embrace to Garrett, a cool nod to Turner, and a companionable handshake for Mal’ik.
A spike of discomfort jolted him briefly out of his fugue when Mal’ik tightened his grip and Leon realized he was about to ask him about what had happened in the cantina with a look of sympathy Leon had never seen on a klah’eel.
For years he had been nothing but a soldier, lieutenant, leader, and brother-in-arms, and now, all of a sudden, everyone was interested in his feelings. His obsession with Sebastian had gone from his own private torment into some sort of public spectacle, which was even worse.
He extracted himself quickly and turned to say his farewell to Joan, but she held him back while the other three members of the Carta Team filed out.
“I just want to go over your speech one more time before I leave,” she said, pulling out her data tablet as though she were going to take notes on it. He supposed she very well might if she thought any of it could be useful in her negotiations with the cartel.
He nodded and listed off his major goals: condemn the use of the gas on civilians, highlight the Turner Corporation’s heartless creation, remind everyone that this was the same corporation the Klah’Eel had planned to sign Southern Tava over to.
“You’re going to put a little feeling into it, right?” Joan raised an eyebrow as he ran down his list.
He scowled at her. “Yes, of course I am. I’ve done a few of these before, you know?”
More than he could count at this point. He could orate in his sleep.
“Yeah, I know, but you’re just…” Joan wrinkled her nose and waved a hand at him.
“Tired,” Leon finished for her with a flat look. “I’m just tired, Joan.”
“Fine, fine, but you’d better have bucked up in”—she looked at her data tablet—“three hours. That’s when you’re walking out on that balcony.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Good. I need to leave, but you might as well get up to the staging room now and prep.” Joan pointed at the ceiling and the three floors above them. “Sebastian should be there.”
Leon stiffened, and not subtly enough for Joan to miss it. She narrowed her eyes.
“He’s always your security at these things.” She crossed her arms. “He may be mad at you, but we both know he’d take a bullet for you if he had to.”
“A bullet for the Resistance,” Leon couldn’t help but correct her. “He’d take a bullet for the leader of the Resistance.”
“Same thing.” Joan rolled her eyes. “Now get up there. Everyone else still has security work to do.”
There was no use putting it off, so Leon went back to his room and grabbed his bag with his papers and data tablet, then slowly climbed the long staircases up to the room off the grand balcony.
Opening the door, he expected the sight of the other man to hit him like a blow. He clenched his teeth in preparation for the onslaught.
But when he saw Sebastian standing there engaged in some animated conversation with another soldier with his hands flying all over the place, Leon’s heart lifted. His muscles loosened. Sebastian threw back his head and laughed at something the other man said, and Leon smiled.
Maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. Leon had always been drawn to Sebastian’s grace, wit, exuberance, and flamboyance. And he had always known he couldn’t have them. Nothing was really different now, other than that Leon had stopped denying it all.
Sebastian caught sight of Leon as he closed the door, and his expression dropped into a disdainful scowl. Even that could only make Leon snort under his breath. It was all exactly the same.
Leon walked to the cluster of chairs around a low table and dropped into one with his data tablet. “Don’t mind me. I’m sure the premises will secure themselves.”
“The rest of us have been working since breakfast while you’ve been sitting around chatting with people.” Sebastian turned to him with a hip cocked out. “We get to chat too, now and again.”
