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He pulled the covers up to his chin and went back to sleep.
The second time he woke up, the sun’s angle was different but still bright, so he figured he’d made it to late afternoon. He sat up with a yawn and a deep sigh. The last time he’d slept so long or so deeply had to have been years before Farlon died. Back when he had more missions and fewer responsibilities.
He swung his legs out of bed and couldn’t resist smiling at them. They were doing what he told them to do. They were his again. His body was his own.
And—somewhat less fortunately—so was his mind.
Oh, and he’d handled that little transfer of power brilliantly. He groaned and dragged himself to the bathroom to wash the sleep out of his eyes. Panic had spiked through him as Sebastian had pulled away from him, disappearing back out into the world where there were so many barriers between them. Most of those damn barriers were erected by Leon.
He’d felt his opportunity slipping away. He’d been so certain he’d never manage to get the truth out if he had to force it out through his lips. And now, as he splashed water on his face and stared at his reflection, he knew he’d been right.
Sebastian, I love you.
He’d never have been able to say that for the first time if he’d had to physically stand in front of the man, force his mouth open, and force the truth out of his throat. Even now, his body tightened, trying to shield the vulnerability and maintain control.
And that was how it should have been.
He tossed the hand towel down with a frustrated snarl. What was wrong with him? Every time he tried to do right by Sebastian, he did wrong. Sebastian didn’t deserve that sort of pressure from him. Sebastian didn’t deserve to have his feelings and emotions and his desires twisted up in a man like him. A man who could never give him everything…who could never give him anything but a few rough kisses and a few orders it would kill him to follow.
It had felt like taking care of Sebastian to tell him how amazing Leon thought he was, how wonderful and beautiful and desirable.
But it had been selfish.
His stomach rumbled and pulled his thoughts away from his deserved self-flagellation, so he scrubbed his hand down his face one more time and headed for the door. He needed to eat, and then they had to get back to the Resistance.
He padded down the hallway, expecting he’d eventually run into some Ralsdi or another, but he still jumped when a door just in front of him opened quietly. William Ralsdi stepped out, looking much more put together than when Leon and Sebastian had found him in the kitchen, and with a cold air that put Leon’s back up.
“Hess.” William stepped out into the hall and blocked Leon’s path but motioned for him to enter the room he’d just opened in a way that managed to make the move look inviting rather than controlling. “Could we speak for a moment?”
“Of course.” Leon nodded. William Ralsdi wasn’t a man to be brushed aside, especially by the leader of the Resistance that could only exist with his charity.
He stepped into the room and did a quick visual sweep. If Leon had ever bothered to picture what William Ralsdi’s office might look like, it would have been this: dark wood, plush carpets, a high ceiling, and an imposing desk. Given what Leon knew of Sebastian and his fiery, impulsive attitude, he wondered if this was really who William Ralsdi was, or whether this was just the careful persona of William Ralsdi, the politician.
And somewhat more importantly, he wondered which William was dealing with now. Whoever he was, he was a different man than the one who had helped Leon out of the tunnels and back into bed this morning.
“Take a seat.” William waved a casually imperious hand to the chair across from his desk, then went around behind it and seated himself in his own imposing chair. “I’ve been hoping I’d get a chance to speak with you ever since you took over after Farlon, may he rest in peace, but it’s been difficult.”
“I understand it would have been politically fraught.” Leon sat carefully, keeping his spine straight and strong. But he let himself lean against the backrest, the better to show William Ralsdi that he wasn’t completely in control here.
“True, but Farlon and I always managed to find a way over the years.” William sat back in his chair, crossed his legs, and tapped one long forefinger against his armrest. “Of course, now I’ve got you here, and I’m not sure whether I’m speaking to the Resistance’s leader or my son’s lover.”
Leon fought to keep his face impassive.
Had William heard them last night? Had Sebastian said something to him? If Sebastian had said something, then what? How Leon hated politicians. It was impossible to read William’s opinion on the matter, but Leon was sure William read every tick of Leon’s muscles.
Leon inclined his head slightly. “The Resistance comes first.”
William arched a brow. “And Sebastian comes second? Or does he not even rank that high for you?”
Leon clenched his jaw. He didn’t know Ralsdi, and he didn’t owe Ralsdi anything on a personal level. The man’s opinion of him meant less than nothing to Leon beyond what it meant for the Resistance. But that wasn’t what got under his skin and made his stomach sick.
What made him sick were the words he had to drag out of his throat. “Sebastian comes second.”
William’s politician’s mask broke with a sneer. “Well, isn’t that just what every father wants to hear.”
Leon swallowed and replied when he was sure his voice would come out steadily. “I can assure you it’s not what I want to say.”
But it was what he had to do. He didn’t get to ride into the sunset with Sebastian. Not if he had to leave Southern Tava behind him under the thumb of the Klah’Eel. He would not betray his duty. He had responsibilities to the people that had died and to the people that were alive and counting on him to make good on all their sacrifices.
