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“Feel pity for me. I don’t need that shit.”
“I don’t feel pity. I just think it’s sad that you weren’t shown affection. Every child craves that from their parents. It makes you feel safe… it allows you to be vulnerable.”
“Vulnerability is overrated. You show a nigga you’re vulnerable and they use it as a weakness. If I can help it, nobody will ever get the drop on me like that.”
I shook my head. “I know what it’s like to have to look over your shoulder all the time. I’ve done it for six years, Ahmad. I was miles away from Slim and he still lived rent free in my head. If someone followed me for too long, I thought he sent them for me. I barely sleep because I’m always on high alert. I’m terrified to let Kari out of my sight for too long, even with her nanny. That’s no way to live. You’ve had to do it much longer than me. You can’t tell me it doesn’t take a toll on you.”
He shrugged. “It’s all I know. I’ve never been anybody but me.”
“Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want peace?”
He didn’t say anything. Gently, he turned my head back to the television and continued to unbraid my hair. For the remainder of the time, there was nothing but silence between us. I couldn’t help but feel like I’d struck a nerve.
When he was done, he slid from behind me and stood to his feet. He helped me up from the floor to stand.
“I’m gonna go shower again. Your hair is all over me.”
I nodded. “Thanks for your help.”
“Mmm hmm.”
He started to walk away, but I stopped him.
“Ahmad.”
Slowly he turned to face me. “What?”
“I’m sorry if I made you feel some type of way. I just know the battle of being in your head all the time.”
“You good, Bunny. It ain’t shit.”
Something stirred inside me. I still wasn’t his biggest fan, but something in me wanted to show him softness. To let him know that he didn’t have to be this hard ass nigga all the fucking time.
I hobbled over to where he stood. He peered down at me curiously as though he was waiting to see what I would do. Stepping closer to him, I cupped his face and pulled his lips to mine. He didn’t move as I pressed my lips firmly against his.
When my lips parted to slip my tongue into his mouth, he received it without hesitation. The kiss we shared was soft and sensual. I could taste the remnants of his toothpaste, imagining that he had a whole ritual for the amount of times he brushed and flossed too.
We were getting well into it when he abruptly grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands from his face. He took a step back, putting space between us.
“Don’t… don’t do that again,” he said, frowning. “Goodnight, Nala.”
Releasing my hands, he walked away, leaving me there with a stupid look on my face.
Nala… I thought. Not Bunny. Nala.
Yeah, he felt some type of way.
14
Ahmad
“Yo?” I answered my phone on the first ring.
“Got the drop on ya mans,” Tech said on the other end. “Check ya text.”
I pulled the phone from my ear and checked my messages.
“He’s hosting an annual poker party at his bar. All of his people will be in attendance, including him.” I looked at the date that said it was two days away. I made a mental note to prepare for this special night.
