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“I didn’t know you were here. I was just about to text and ask you to send me some cash. I need a few things.”
“Things like what?”
“Hygiene and cleaning products. We could use some more toilet tissue, too.”
He eyed me skeptically before slowly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wad of cash. He peeled off three hundred dollar bills and stepped close to me.
“That’s enough?” he asked, peering down at me.
I nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
“Mmm hmm. You have an hour to get back. Don’t make me come looking for you.”
“I won’t be long.”
“Bring my change back.”
I nodded.
His eyes trailed my frame as he backed away from me and headed back in the direction in which he came from. I grabbed my keys and calmly made my exit. Once I was out of the neighborhood, I sped all the way to Walmart. Grabbing a cart, I filled it with shit I didn’t even need, just so I didn’t come back empty handed. When I was done, I made a beeline for the pregnancy tests.
I hated that these bitches around here were always stealing. The tests were locked up and I had to ask an associate to open the case for me. I stood off to the side, nervously checking my surroundings to make sure nobody that knew me or Slim caught me. The last thing I needed was this getting back to him before I had a chance to know for myself first.
The moment the test was in my hands, I sprinted for the self-checkout register and scanned my items at lightning speed. I opted to pay for the items separately, because knowing Slim, he was going to ask for a receipt. I had a single twenty in my wallet that I found while washing clothes and used that to pay for the pregnancy test.
Quickly, I rushed out of the store and loaded the bags into my car. I drove to the nearest gas station, then hopped out and ran inside to the bathroom with the test tucked discreetly in my purse. After locking myself in a stall, I pulled it out. For a moment, I stared at it. The results would mean one of two things: I was stuck with Slim and a baby forever and probably nothing would change... Or I wasn’t pregnant, and I was still stuck with Slim and nothing would change.
Neither seemed like a good option.
Ripping the box open, I pulled my pants down and hovered over the toilet, releasing my bladder onto the stick. The wait was the longest five minutes of my life, and when it showed positive, I felt like my life was over. I slumped against the wall, silently crying my eyes out.
“No, no, no, no, no! This can’t be happening!” I wailed.
But it did happen. For weeks, I contemplated every day what I was going to do. I couldn’t ask him for money to get an abortion because I couldn’t tell him I was getting an abortion. The more I thought about that, the more I realized I could never bring myself to harm an innocent child. I didn’t care that some people didn’t believe that the mass growing inside of me was a human at that point.
Life for me began at conception. I was carrying a life… a life that mattered. Every day that passed with Slim not suspecting anything was another day I fell deeper and deeper into the secret I carried. I was having his baby. Every morning I woke up and accepted my fate, was a morning I spent bonding with the baby in my belly. I rubbed it and talked to my child. I promised he or she that I would find some way to give them the life they deserved… the life we both deserved.
Looking down at Makari now brought tears to my eyes. I ran away to save us and now, somehow, I’d gotten us caught up and we were on our way back to hell. Only God knew what Slim had in store for me. I couldn’t go out like that… whatever that was. I had to get away from this man.
I had to.
The feeling of the van coming to a stop jolted me out of my sleep. We’d been driving for hours. It had to be almost daylight by now. I prayed that we were somewhere where there were a lot of people. At least I could make a scene. Maybe if he feared getting caught, he’d just let us go.
He’d foolishly forgotten to tape my mouth shut. Then again, maybe I was the foolish one to think he hadn’t thought this through. Either way, I used the opportunity to bite at the tape until I was able to free my hands. With them free, I removed the tape from both me and Kari.
I knew if there was ever a chance to run, I’d have to take it. This was that moment.
“Kari… Kari, baby, wake up. Look at Mommy.”
She groggily opened her eyes. “Are we home, Mommy?”
“No, baby. Mommy’s so sorry. I’m gonna try to get us to safety. I don’t know where we are, but somebody has to help us. I need you to be a big girl for me, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
“No matter what happens, I want you to know how much I love you, Kari. You are my heart and soul.”
“I love you too,” she said, meekly.
