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I keep trying to get to Kaelie but she is always out of my grasp, just too far for me to get my hands on her. She is crying and I want to comfort her, to make her smile instead, but I keep missing.
Bright light filters in as the dream fades away. The first thing I’m aware of is the loud beeping in my ears. My eyelids are heavy but once I force them open I regret it. The lights are bright and it feels like someone is using a jackhammer against the inside of my skull. Confusion clouds my brain and for a moment I have no idea where I am or how I got here.
Then everything hits me like a semi-truck. Amber, the gun, Kaelie and Ronin, the immense pain of getting shot. I shoot upright in bed and pain radiates through my abdomen.
“Fuck,” I groan before a small hand presses me back to the bed.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Kaelie’s beautiful face floats in front of my vision and I wonder if I’m still dreaming. Though, if I was, I wouldn’t be in so much fucking pain.
“Stay still. I’m going to call the nurse,” she says turning to walk away.
Grabbing her wrist, I stop her from leaving.
“Wait,” I say through the dryness in my throat. “Can you just talk to me before everyone comes rushing in?”
For the longest time, I think she is going to walk out but she finally nods before taking the seat beside my bed. She keeps her gaze glued to the floor.
“Kaelie,” I say but start to cough.
She jumps up filling the glass beside my bed with water. She holds it to my lips, helping me drink, and soothing my burning throat.
“Thanks,” I say once she pulls away.
Silence descends on us and I don’t know where to start.
“I’m sorry.”
The words are soft, and I can hear that she’s holding back tears. “Everything is a mess, and I don’t know how to fix any of it.”
Entwining our fingers I squeeze lightly, waiting until she looks at me before speaking, “I love you.”
Shock colors her features. “Matthias,” she tries to say something, but I cut her off.
“Let me, please?”
Tears fall from her eyes, coating her cheeks in their salty wetness as she nods.
“I fell in love with you within the first hour of meeting you. No, it wasn’t about the sex, although that was spectacular. It was about you. I should have said something that weekend, I should have worked harder to find you after you left. Those are regrets I will always carry with me, but I want the chance to make it right.”
“I don’t know how we can move forward after everything that has happened.”
“Do you love me?”
“That isn’t important. We’ve lied, manipulated, caused physical and emotional harm.”
Kaelie stands and walks over to the window. I wish I could get out of this damn bed. I want to hold her in my arms and force her to listen to me.
“You’re right. We have both made mistakes. I don’t want to make any more. I want you in my life, I want to be part of my son’s life. If I have to spend every day from now until the day I die fighting to convince you that you belong with me, I will. I’m not letting you slip away from me again.”
****
Kaelie Carter
My heart hurts at his words. I want nothing more than to fall into his arms and believe that everything will magically be better, simply because we love one another. But that isn’t how life works.
“Matty,” I start but I’m cut off by his laughter.
