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"Have you had Thai food before we came here?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir," I replied. "My, uh, friend put me onto it. Emma. I mean, you didn’t need to know her name; I just wanted to humanize her, so it wouldn’t seem like I was lying."
"What would make me think you were lying?" he asked.
"Um, I... I've, uh, it has seemed as though I have been lying so far today, but I don't lie. I mean, I usually don’t lie at all; I just try to work around the truth a bit when I’m in a tough spot. And Emma is not a lie. She used to work for a law firm, and they always went out to fancy restaurants and whatnot, and she got introduced to Thai food, so whenever she came over to my house, she always... I mean, not always, usually ordered it, and that’s how I was introduced to it."
I finished my entire message and wanted to shoot myself in the mouth, because what had prompted me to say all that? He usually didn’t talk this much. He usually didn’t like people who talked this much.
He nodded at my response, and suddenly, I had to get out of there so that I could breathe. So, I rose to my feet, nearly startling him.
"What's wrong?" he asked, and I smiled.
"Just a moment, Sir. I left my phone in my room. I’ll just be a second; let me grab it. I didn’t want to miss anything important."
"Alright," he replied, and I started to head for the connecting door. But then I recalled that we were supposed to be professionals, so I started to go through the front door. I thought he would stop me to discourage me from being so formal, but he didn’t say a word. He had most probably returned his attention to his phone.
Turning, I returned to my room and found my phone. I immediately called Emma because in many ways, it felt like I was spiraling out of control.
Thankfully, she immediately picked up.
"I think something broke inside of me yesterday," I said.
"How so?" she asked.
"Ever since all that happened, I have literally turned into a blubbering, rambling idiot. I’m answering questions he didn’t ask me, talking too much, acting weird, and generally neurotic. What the hell is happening to me?"
"Of course," she almost died laughing in amusement.
"You really don't know what's happening to you?" she asked.
I headed over to the bathroom to check and adjust my appearance, since I would be sitting just a few feet away from him for the next half hour at least.
"Do tell," I replied sarcastically as I pulled dried mascara off my lashes.
"You’re trying to win him over," she said. "You’re trying to get him to know you and to like you."
"What?" I asked incredulously.
"You know exactly what I’m talking about," she said, and I had no choice but to eventually admit that she was right.
"So, I’m saying more and talking more because I’m hopeful."
"Yes, you are," she replied. "And that is wonderful because it will mean that you will listen to me when I say this. He is what you want. He has been what you’ve wanted for the longest time, and you have denied yourself that. You’re not timid, and you’re not that unattractive woman with bright green oversized dress shirts and Salvation Army oversized blazers."
I rolled my eyes at her, but every single word she was saying was hitting me straight in the heart.
"My point is, don’t hold back. He’s wonderful, and all that, as you’ve said, but you’re just as awesome. I don’t want you to cower anymore before him, and since you two have already crossed that invisible line, then please don’t settle for less."
"It’s so easy to say all you’re saying right now," I said. "But you should see how I am around him. You wouldn’t believe it."
"And that needs to change," she said.
"Again, easier said than done."
She sighed.
"I’m leaving. Do whatever you want."
