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I love the feel of his bare skin against mine, of his body pressing into me. I don’t want to move. I don’t want this moment to end.
But the familiar guilt starts to seep in, almost immediately taking over the fuzzy warmth of happiness I was feeling.
We lay there for a few minutes, our bodies still tangled together. Jay brushes a strand of hair from my face, his eyes filled with love and tenderness. I sense that everything from him is upfront and genuine. Yet I know that I’m not. I’m carrying a secret and an entire life that he deserves to know about.
“I love you, Violet.”
“I love you too, Jay,” I whisper back, not even startled at how honest it feels.
We lay in silence, the room filled with the soft glow of the moonlight streaming through the window.
I can’t keep it in any longer. Tears start to silently leak down my cheeks. I know he’s going to hate me. I’m never going to have another moment like this again. Not with Jay. Maybe not ever. A kid will change everything.
Jay looks up suddenly. “I’m going to– Violet, what’s wrong?”
He sits up and starts to reach for me. I brush the tears away, angry at myself for letting them out. I can’t keep putting this off. I have to tell him.
“I’m pregnant.”
CHAPTER 39
JAY
Iblink at Violet, because the words don’t exactly compute. I know what they each mean on their own, but not when they come out of Violet’s mouth.
Violet takes a deep breath, and her tears disappear as she explains. “It’s… it must have been from that first time, at the bar. I’m not sure how it happened, but birth control isn’t perfect, I guess. And… I found out a couple of days ago. And I know I should have told you right away, but…”
“I need a minute.” I try to keep my tone even, but I’m overwhelmed. I need a second to think through this mind-blowing revelation.
I step out into the hallway and stare at the pile of costumes on the floor. It seems like ages ago that I was undressing her and calling her my foxy lady. But now, I understand the moments where Violet was staring off into the distance, in a world of her own. This has clearly been weighing on her.
“Pregnant,” I whisper the word, which just makes the whole situation feel more real.
I’m trying to process this, but it’s like my brain is moving a lot slower. It’s not computing things like it usually does. I lean against the wall, running my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of everything.
A baby. We’re going to have a baby.
My mind is racing, a million thoughts and questions swirling around. Am I ready to be a father? What will this mean for our relationship? How will we tell our families? Hannah is going to hate me forever, but that’s beside the point.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I need to talk to Violet, to figure this out together. I can’t do this alone, and neither can she.
I want to talk this out with Violet. Questions keep popping into my mind, ones that didn’t appear when she first said those words to me. Fuck, I wonder if she was just worried about the baby the whole time we were making love.
I hope not. But I shouldn’t have left her alone like that when she was clearly terrified to tell me.
I head back into the bedroom, where Violet is sitting on the bed, the sheet pulled up to her chin. She looks so small and uncertain when she sees me, like she’s not sure what my reaction is going to be.
My heart aches because this wasn’t how I saw the day going. I saw us coming back here to my place, making love and maybe watching a movie or falling asleep curled up in each other’s arms. I wanted this to be a perfect night.
But I can’t avoid this. And I can’t imagine how scared she’s feeling. She’s the one who has a baby inside her.
I take a seat on the end of the bed. Suddenly, I feel so distant from her. I don’t mean to be that way, but I do. “Violet, we need to talk about this. I have so many questions, and I’m sure you do too.”
She nods, her eyes downcast. “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just… I didn’t know how. I kept thinking I was going to, but then, it was never the right time.”
I reach across the sheets, taking her hand in mine. It’s a show of solidarity, even though I’m feeling as scared as a squirrel in the middle of the road during rush hour traffic. “It’s okay. We’re going to figure this out together. First things first, how far along are you?”
“I think I must have gotten pregnant the first time we were together. So, it’s been almost a month since then.”
