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Jay.
His name pops into my head like an unwelcome roach wiggling its way into my house. I don’t want to think about him, but I can’t just ignore the issue. Just like ignoring the roach doesn’t mean it disappears.
Okay, Violet. What the hell are you going to do about Jay?
The lake doesn’t give me any sort of answer, but the rain droplets are slower to fall on me now that I’m under the cover of the trees.
Clarity.
I’ve started something with Jay, something I can’t just back out of easily. But why can’t I just back out of it easily?
“Because I feel something for him,” I whisper.
I smile at the ridiculousness of it, and I say it more loudly. “I feel something for him.”
I shake my head. This is the last thing I need—feeling affection for a man who is only thinking about his dick. I mean… he doesn’t just think about that. I think about the way he pleasured me the last time we were together. Someone who was just thinking about himself wouldn’t have touched me the way he had so that I came more than once.
Thinking about it makes me shiver.
No, that must be the wind that is whipping up and reminding me that my clothes are completely soaked.
Jay and I could be friends. Just friends. We could get along and be coworkers.
It seems like such a simple solution, but I don’t think it’s one I could stick to. I can’t change the need I feel for Jay.
The thought suddenly pops into my head that Jay and I could date for real. We could actually give ourselves the titles “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”
But despite what Jay said today, he hasn’t seen the real me. He can’t say he likes me or doesn’t like me because he hasn’t seen all of me. He doesn’t know my hopes and dreams and fears and doubts, and everything that makes me who I am.
The wind starts picking up, and I hunch forward, bracing myself against it. But it just won’t stop.
I feel too cold to sit out here any longer. Even though I don’t have the clarity I was hoping for, I do feel more at peace with my situation. The frustration I felt at seeing Jay and Fiona together has pretty much dissipated. And I’m less angry at myself for being upset with them.
It wasn’t irrational. I have genuine feelings for Jay.
I hurry back to my car, head bent forward against the wind. Once inside, I crank up the heat and let my hands hang in front of it for a moment. I take my time backing my car out of its space and heading in the direction of Maplewood.
Within a couple of minutes, a huge gust of wind hits, and I feel it urging my car to the other side of the road. I slow way down. I won’t be any help to my temporarily disabled mom if I’m dead.
My drive back home is going to take longer than I thought, but I have to be slow and careful if I don’t want to end up wrapped around a tree.
CHAPTER 25
JAY
The rain hasn't let up, making the streets slick and visibility poor. I keep my hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel even though I’m normally the kind of driver that casually drives with two fingers and one hand on the armrest.
I think about Violet, trying to think of a non-life-threatening reason that she wouldn’t answer her phone. Maybe she’s really busy with something. But what? Did her mom need extra help?
I can't help but replay our last conversation over and over again in my head. Did I miss something? Was there a sign that she was struggling more than she let on?
Even if she isn’t home, Violet’s mom might have an idea about where she has gone. It’s really the only shot I have—besides driving up and down the streets, shouting her name and hoping for the best. It's worth a shot, and I need to know that Violet's okay.
As I pull up to the small, cozy house, I take a deep breath. Showing up unannounced might not be the best idea, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is one car in the driveway, but it’s not Violet’s. Could it be her mother’s or does someone else live here?
I knock on the door, the sound barely audible over the pounding rain.
