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“Can we talk?”
“I’m busy, Jay. Can’t you see that?”
I set another finished drink on her tray then start the next one.
“It’ll only take a minute.”
She finally meets my gaze, her eyes flashing. “I said I’m busy. We can talk later.”
I nod, backing off. This isn’t the right time. I need to figure out what’s really going on with her, but it’s hard when she won’t even give me the chance to talk. “After your shift then.”
Violet hesitates before finally nodding her head in agreement.
As it gets close to eleven, the crowd starts to leave. All of Violet’s tables are empty, so she takes a wet rag and starts wiping them down, filling a bin with dirty glasses as she goes. It’s not as private as I’d like, but it’ll do. “Violet, we need to talk. Now.”
She sets down a mostly empty bottle of wine, and it clatters against the table. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Her tone sounds indifferent, like she doesn’t care if she has this conversation with me or not. I glance over my shoulder at the bar where Jerry is serving one last drink before telling the patrons that we are officially closing. I try to be mindful of the ambiance of the place. I don’t want to run customers out because I’m having a fight with one of the cocktail waitresses.
I decide to approach the problem from a different angle so neither one of us gets too upset. “I’ve noticed that you’ve really got a handle on the job now. You get drinks to customers. They’re happy. I’m happy. It seems like things are working out.”
Violet stops cleaning. She turns and looks at me with a cool look, like she’s not sure if she should believe me. Her eyes study every angle of my face before dropping to my chest. “Why are you saying that? You don’t seem like you give out compliments easily.”
I’m about to protest before I realize that it’s kind of true. I’m not the guy who is constantly praising his staff. Maybe that's something I need to change up. “Well, I’m being about as genuine as I can be right now. Maybe I don’t normally give out compliments, but you look like you could use one.”
“Okay, well, thanks, I guess.”
I sigh. I feel like this conversation isn’t getting anywhere. “I just want you to know that if something is bothering you about the bar or another staff member, or whatever it might be, you can tell me.”
“I… I don’t think I can tell you what’s going on right now. I just think that… maybe our whole arrangement was a mistake.” She won’t meet my eyes, and my heart sinks. Maybe it was. Not because I wouldn’t enjoy it, but because Violet isn’t interested enough in me.
Her words sting, and I struggle to keep my voice steady. “You can back out at any time, you know. You didn’t sign a contract.” I’m saying it because it’s the right thing to say, but it doesn’t mean that I want to stand by it. I don’t want Violet to back out. I don’t want her to take back this beautiful gift she has given me.
Violet’s eyes soften for a moment, but then she shakes her head. “This isn’t about us, Jay. It’s about everything else. My mom, my job, my life. I’m just trying to hold things together.”
For the first time since I’ve known her, I see Violet as vulnerable. She’s not withdrawing out of anger, but out of hurt, maybe even fear. I reach for her and take her hand, but she yanks it away. “Not here. Not now. I need to finish cleaning these tables.”
I feel like our conversation is far from finished, but I have to respect what she’s saying. She needs time and space to think. I’ll give her some, for now.
CHAPTER 16
VIOLET
Iwipe at the table like my life depends on it. My elbow is starting to hurt. Part of me says I should hurry up and finish wiping down so I can head out to my car. If I stay behind after everyone else, then I’m setting myself up for another situation with Jay.
And while part of me desperately wants to have sex with him again, I’m not sure if it’s the right choice. I was so sure about it two nights ago, but when I woke up yesterday morning, it felt wrong.
I never wanted to avoid Jay, but I’ve also never been great at expressing my emotions. It’s part of why I couldn’t just tell Jay that being friends with benefits isn’t enough for me when he suggested it. I want more, but I know he isn’t open to more. He just wants the sex.
And then, when someone else catches his eye, he’ll drift away. And I have to accept that, because it’s what I signed up for.
I want to talk to him, I really do, but I can’t bring myself to be honest.
I can imagine the conversation right now. Jay would stare at me like I’m an alien with two heads. “You like me? I thought we agreed to sex only. I don’t want anything else. I’m a guy. You’re hot. What do you expect? You’re way too grumpy to try to maintain a real relationship with.”
Maybe he wouldn’t say it quite like that, but I can read the look in his eyes. I know what it means. He sees me as a woman, as a body, as someone who can make him come way better than he can with his own hand.
But that’s where it ends.
