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“I just wanted to say something.”
“So?” I raise an eyebrow. He doesn’t need my permission to speak. He made that clear enough earlier tonight.
"I guess, well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was out of line."
I look at the ground, letting my hair fall like a curtain to protect my face from his watching eyes. His apology stabs at me, almost in a painful way. People don’t usually apologize to me. I just have to get over it. But it’s hard to get over having my boss treat me like that in front of everyone. I can’t believe he thinks a little apology is enough to make things alright.
"You embarrassed me in front of everyone.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I know, and I’m sorry. I just... I got stressed out, and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair."
I cross my arms, feeling the chill seeping through my dress. I didn’t take the time to grab a jacket before stepping out, and this October night is reminding me it isn’t summer anymore. "I’m trying my best, Jay. I don’t need you breathing down my neck and making me feel worse when I screw up. Be honest. Do you want me working here or not? Because if things are too awkward after… what happened, then… I get it. I’ll find a job somewhere else."
He steps closer, more into the lonely little light that hangs from the brick wall. I can see his face more closely, and I can’t help it. He sounds genuine. I want to believe him. I want to fall into his arms and say it’s alright. But my pride won’t let me do that.
"You don’t need to get a job somewhere else. I have no problem with you working here. It’s just…yeah, maybe I’m not sure how I feel about things after…”
“After… us,” I finish up his vague explanation for him.
Jay shrugs up one shoulder, and I have to admit that I still find him attractive, very attractive. But being attractive does not make someone a good boss. And he’s proven that already. “You're doing a good job. Really. I was wrong to come down on you so hard." He shrugs a little. “And it’s just a couple drinks. It’s obviously not coming out of your paycheck. I don’t even know why I said that.”
I search his face, looking for any hint of insincerity, but all I see is genuine regret. I let out a slow breath. Even though his words still sting, and an apology can’t make them disappear, there’s not much else he can do to fix things right now. At least I don’t have to pay for the mistake. I haven’t earned that much yet, and I don’t want to lose what little I have made.
“Maybe I need to focus too. I’ve had a lot on my mind with my dad and… everything with my mom.” I grimace after realizing that I just said that out loud.
Jay’s expression softens even more. "What’s going on with your parents?"
I wonder how close Jay and Hannah are. It’s not like I expected him to tell her that we slept together, but I wonder if she would casually bring me up in conversation to him, mentioning the fact I was coming to town and why. By the clueless look on his face, I’m guessing that’s a no.
“My dad… passed away a month ago, and I’m still processing it.”
Jay takes a step closer to me. He reaches out and squeezes my upper arm, and while his touch feels comforting, it also feels like it isn’t enough. The part where his skin is touching me feels like the only part of me that is warm. “I’m sorry. That must suck.”
“More than sucks. It’s not something I really want to talk about. But… I’m here taking care of my mom, helping her stay on track with… life and everything else she needs to do.”
For a moment, we just stand there. I know that Jay doesn’t know what to say. People never do when I say my dad died. They don’t know how to address grief on another person’s level. That’s why I try not to mention it. I don’t know how to deal with people’s reactions or nonreactions, and I don’t want them to feel awkward.
Jay finally drops his hand from my arm, and I look up, catching his dark eyes trained on mine. "Can we start over?" he asks softly.
“Depends. Are we going to start with me flirting at the bar or with me coming in for my first day of work?”
He smiles, and it’s a genuine smile that reaches his eyes. "It’s up to you.” His tone is flirtatious, but mine was too.
I can’t believe I’m admitting this to myself, but I think I like Jay. I can’t like Jay. Not only does he wear his ass for a hat half the time, but he’s also my boss and Hannah’s brother, and everything else he shouldn’t be.
Even as those protests are running through my head, I do nothing to stop him as he leans closer to me and presses his lips against mine.
I’m just starting to take in the strangely fruity smell of him when he pulls back. I hardly had time to enjoy the feel of his soft lips on mine, the ends of his hair brushing my cheek as he leaned into my space.
Jay steps back, and I feel the air around us for how cold it really is now. I wrap my arms around myself and shiver.
“I know, I don’t know how you’re standing it out here.” Jay comments. I’m sure he’s about to say something about how flimsy or short my dress is, but he doesn’t say that. He just puts his arm around me and pulls me toward him.
I feel a brief moment of his body heat pressing up against mine before he opens the door in the back of The Rusty Oak, and there is space between us again. As I stand in the doorway, trying to think of one last witty remark to leave him with, I hear a siren in the distance.
It’s getting closer and closer and closer. I stand transfixed as it comes, wondering for a moment if the very building I’m standing inside is on fire, and I’ve been so blind that I haven’t noticed.
But then, it stops abruptly, and Jay frowns. He doesn’t say anything to me as he shoulders his way through the bar area to the front door, clearly wanting to check on what’s going on outside.
