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Leighton suspected something was wrong, I could tell. Her lips twitched at Rylan’s forced smiles over the past couple of days.
Leighton didn’t—couldn’t—recognize them for what they truly were. A warning. A Back the fuck off sign.
I could. I fucking should’ve. Besides the fact that reading people is what I do for a living, I see through Rylan’s maniacal grins. I’m familiar with them.
Unease and self-loathing swirl in my stomach. My mind suppresses the horrible memories Ry’s forced smiles evoke. I’ve enabled my daughter for too long. Let her get away with so much.
Leighton, though, is where I draw the line.
Despite the distance I’ve put between us—despite not giving her the attention I crave to shower her with—I still love Leighton. Have loved her for over four years.
There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the love of my life. No one will take her from me.
I could feel this day coming. Prayed it wouldn’t, but knew that at one point, I’d snap. Step out of line. Say the words I’ve been choking on for way too long.
The day I’d have to steal Leighton away.
Hence the preparations I’ve had set in motion years ago.
Building a secret home for us in a secluded location in Malibu, an hour and a half away from Rylan. Filling it with things Leigh and I will need. Hiring contractors and a cleaning lady whose services I pay for in cash.
That was what I’d been up to while the girls had been in Texas.
This obsession for Leighton isn’t healthy, that’s a given. It’s also what’s saving her life. I refuse to feel guilty for it.
Hell, I’m grateful for my madness.
I sneak a glance at my sleeping beauty. Determination and righteousness fill me anew at the sight of her thick lashes resting on her pink cheeks.
Things should’ve been different between us. I could’ve made it happen. Me.
One option was letting her go. I did it over the last four years. Only visited them at college over Thanksgiving break. Restricted our conversations to hi, how are you? Happy Thanksgiving, bye.
Over those numbered, painful visits, I made sure to keep my fucking distance so Ry wouldn’t hurt her when I went back to Santa Barbara. I did the same while they came back here over summer break.
Nothing happened to Leighton while they were in college.
But as the move to New York neared, I just couldn’t do it. I refused to let her go though I tried, my God, did I try. I was the one to encourage them to move across the country for crying out loud. To learn about the world all on their own.
Leighton won’t be learning about the world. She’ll be here, with me.
I should’ve guessed I was going to keep her the moment my sick instincts took over and had me tampering with her pills.
Can’t say I regret it.
It. What’s this it, really?
Focus. Analyze. Just like you do with your patients.
Fine, I can do that. In my case, it is my obsession. The one I’ve been acting on over the last two weeks.
Planning. That’s what I’ve been up to. Actually planning, not just fantasizing about it. That’s why I made the proper arrangements.
While Leighton sleeps, I dial Hazel’s— the housekeeper of my deserted glass house— number and request her to stock my fridge in the next thirty minutes. Have her fill it with food that Leighton likes. Fish, grass-fed meat. A plethora of dairy products as well as quinoa, rice, pasta, bread and flour. Leighton’s favorite brand of peanut butter. Fresh organic fruit and vegetables.
Anything my girl might want or need.
I tell Hazel to hurry, and she’s quick to hang up. That soothes me. Even though Leigh and I are on the run, I’m comforted by the knowledge she’ll be fed and happy.
