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“Those women you dated. They didn’t disappear.” To my surprise, Leighton doesn’t grimace at what she’s insinuating. Her face doesn’t blanch. “They didn’t ghost you, did they?”
“No.” My lungs expand as I start telling her the full story from the top. “The first evening I had Alexa over for dinner was the first time I saw another side of Rylan. One I hadn’t met before. Despite years of practice, I’d missed out on the other side my daughter had been hiding. Even then, I chose to ignore it. I—fuck—it didn’t make sense. What was right there in front of me didn’t make sense.”
“She hadn’t had a reason to show it to you until then. You were her dad. Hers.” Leighton understands. Such a clever, perceptive little one. “She wasn’t hiding her jealousy, either. She just didn’t feel it. You couldn’t see what wasn’t there.”
I shake my head. Most days, I’m able to forgive myself. Most days, I’m able to live with my denial. Not today.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself.” Leighton’s palm covers mine on my thigh, squeezing my hand. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“I can, and I will.” As the memories swim to the surface, my self-loathing grows. “I should’ve seen the signs. Ry’s not like the other kids in her school. She smiles too hard, laughs at everything and anything.”
Leighton rubs her thumb on the top of my hand. “Since when is being too happy a bad thing?”
“Leigh, I admire your loyalty to your friend. For my daughter. I do. Down to the marrow of my bones. Thankful for the love you have for Rylan.” I press a warm, cherishing kiss on her forehead. “But neither you nor I are blind.”
Her lips pinch into a straight, pained line.
“Rylan and Alexa joked. Laughed. Played board games together, as you remember.” I continue my story. “You two were thirteen at the time, so please forgive me for saying this—I liked Alexa. I thought she and I had a future together.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” The subtlest shift in Leighton’s saddened expression suggests otherwise.
Moreover, since she confessed to being jealous of her while in a trance.
“I’ve been single for thirteen years, prioritizing my daughter first, my career second. It was time for me to start dating, and Alexa, my secretary, was there.” Sadness clutches at my chest for the next part. For upsetting Leighton. I flip my hand, gripping hers tight. “I don’t love her anymore. I don’t miss her. You’re the only woman for me, Leigh. Have been for the last five years. I’m going into detail because you need to see the full picture. That’s it.”
“Okay.” Leighton nods. Her trust in me smooths over the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes. “Go on.”
“One day, Alexa disappeared. Didn’t show up to work. Didn’t return my calls. When I went to her apartment, I found out it’d been vacated.” I remember the U-Haul receipt at Rylan’s dresser a year later, and I curse myself inwardly. “I’d accepted that she moved on. To something better. Someone better. She’d said she loved the idea of having a stepchild, but maybe she changed her mind? I couldn’t tell since she was gone. No note, nothing. I accepted that. I fucking shouldn’t.”
All signs of jealousy are wiped from Leighton’s eyes. Compassion filters into her blues. She scooches closer to snuggle up to me.
I’m not worthy of her or anyone’s forgiveness, but I take it regardless. I’m selfish. Damn it, I need someone to forgive me.
“A year later, I met Sylvia at a psychiatry convention. Once more, I introduced her to Rylan. Once more, Ry smiled at her. That first time her lips stretched wide and her white teeth showed. This time, I didn’t ignore my suspicions.” I ball my hand into a fist, my teeth grinding. “That wasn’t enough. Sylvia’s disappearance was harder for me to accept. A psychiatrist doesn’t just up and leave without offering alternatives for their patients. And Sylvia cared for her patients very much.”
Leighton’s throat bobs when she gulps on her spit. “Did you tell anyone you were going when you kidnapped me?”
“Took, baby. Took. And yes.” I raise her palm to my lips, kissing each and every one of her knuckles. “I did some digging, called mutual colleagues, her secretary. No one had heard from her. A few days later, I noticed the abundance of new flowers in our garden. Rylan planted them next to the flowers she’d planted right after Alexa’s disappearance.”
I bow my head, leveling Leighton with a meaningful stare.
“No.” She gasps. Shakes her head. “I helped her grow those flowers.”
“I’m sorry, beautiful.” Kissing her won’t solve anything. I kiss her lips briefly anyway, and go on, ending this gory tale. “I dug deeper, literally. I’d crushed sleeping pills into Rylan’s drink one evening. In the middle of the night, when the neighborhood was quiet and everyone slept, I slipped outside. I pulled out her flowers. One of the faces under them was Sylvia. The other was a skeleton. I recognized Alexa from the gold chain with a pearl pendant.”
“You were sad.” Leighton changes before me. She’s almost growling now.
She doesn’t care that they’re dead.
She’s worried for me.
I’ll address the subject later.
“For Rylan. For those women. They were innocent. I liked them and cared for them. That was their only crime, and Ry made sure they were punished for it.” I sigh. “She had gotten away with both of these murders. What about the next time, though? Who would’ve saved her from being locked up? I had to do something.”
Leighton frowns at my insinuated betrayal. I shake my head vehemently.
“I would’ve never gone to the police or a mental institute.” Both Leighton and I can see where this conversation is going. Still, her relief and need to have Ry’s back is shocking. “My daughter was a product of a nightmare. Camille died during childbirth, and I’m certain the trauma somehow bled into Rylan’s psyche. That’s why I didn’t turn her in. I decided to deal with it myself.”
