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I’m glad for the change of subject. Fucking him without her in the room—without discussing how this should work—would’ve been wrong. Selfish and wrong. Amara deserves better.
“Does she know?” I continue in that direction. When Carter’s confidence morphs to confusion, I clarify, “That you love her.”
He pauses. His hold on my hand loosens.
He loves her, that’s for goddamn sure. He’s clueless about how to handle it, but he loves her.
“Not yet. I mean, it’s not a fucking secret I’m obsessed with her. That she’s mine even if I don’t call her my girlfriend.” His lips twist. “I’ll tell her. I should. Soon.”
“Good.” Last item on the list. I squeeze his hand one final time before pulling away. “Carter, we have to set boundaries. We’ll discuss them with Amara later, let her set hers as well. If there’s one thing I know, though, what just happened wasn’t right. We’re here, and a second ago, we were about to jump at each other. That needs to be addressed.”
“No screwing around behind each other’s backs.” He reads my mind. “Gotcha.”
“If that’s okay with Amara, of course.” Air expands my lungs. “Fucking in duos is fine. It’s that sneaking around feeling I’m looking to avoid.”
“I second that,” he says earnestly, his eyes flicking to the door. “Anything else or are we going back to bed?”
“The hotel.” The two loaded words grab his full attention.
“She has no idea what we do there,” Carter tells me what I already suspected.
“There’s no reason for her not to know,” I state another obvious fact. Amara won’t open her mouth if we ask her to keep our secret. She’s far better than the likes of fucking Preston. “She’s a part of us. Has been for six months now.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Honestly? I’m afraid we’ll lose her if she finds out.” He groans, his shoulders slacking. “She’s special. She can take everything. Thing is, I’m worried she won’t take our job well. That she’ll leave. Then I’ll have to lock her up here with us, but she might not like that either.”
There’s fear in his eyes. Genuine fear of losing her.
Voltage has always been a source of pride for me. Carter’s proud of his job as well. We haven’t had a reason not to be.
I see where he’s coming from, though.
Then again, the hotel isn’t going anywhere. Carter might as well own up to what we’re doing.
“You should give her the choice, Carter. Lying or omitting the truth is worse. Selfish. You’re hurting her.” My brows furl. “She thinks we’re embarrassed to be seen with her. I’ve caught glimpses of her pouting at the hotel. I’ve been playing your game, and I think it’s time to end it. It’s killing her. It’s killing me, watching the rejection on her face.”
“Been stalking us, Kill?” Instead of being mad, his lips hike to the side. “Preparing this speech for the day your fantasies came true?”
“I never dreamed it’d happen. I would’ve said something, eventually. You’re my business.” I wrap a hand around the side of his neck. “Meaning she’s my business.”
The vein in Carter’s neck thumps beneath my fingers. “Damn right, we are.”
“You’re putting her at risk every day you’re not telling her. Every day she doesn’t know someone might find out about you and her. About us.” That wipes the smile off his face. “This isn’t me meddling. This is me protecting her. We can’t put security on her because she doesn’t know. Because no one can know about us until we’re ready. When we come out, our plan will have to be airtight. We’ll find a way to come out without anyone blaming me for grooming you. I don’t need to explain to you what they’ll do to us if the hotel closes.”
He rubs his temples. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“It won’t be easy, but there’s no other way to handle it. You’ll have to tell her,” I summarize, getting to my feet. “About time.”
“I will. This month.” Following my lead, he stands up. “Or in two.”
My glower would normally destroy any other man. Not Carter.
“This selfish person isn’t you, Carter.”
“I’m a ruthless fuck who does what he thinks is right.” There’s that smile again. “While taking care of the people he loves.”
