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What I wouldn’t give for a window into his thoughts right now.
Was that kiss back there genuine? It happened during a moment of emotion, and it didn’t feel like it was just for show. It felt like a sweet moment between us when he just couldn’t help himself.
But sometimes the things he says and the things he does seem to conflict with each other, and all it does is leave me in total confusion.
The thought grates on my nerves the closer and closer we get to my house. Part of me hoped he’d take me back to his hotel room. Part of me wonders if he’ll stay. Part of me thinks a confrontation is the right move here. Part of me doesn’t.
And when I’m confused and conflicted…well, it’s not pretty to be on the receiving end of that.
We get back to my place, and it’s a little before nine. Still early by all accounts, and I don’t have to be at work tomorrow until noon. The house is dark, which makes me think Kelly must’ve gone out—maybe with her teacher friends, whom she’s been avoiding lately.
It should be the right opportunity to invite him in.
“Would you like to come in?” I ask once he has pulled into the driveway and put the truck in park.
He sighs and leans his head back on the headrest. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t look at me. He also doesn’t cut the engine. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea."
“Can I ask you a question?”
He turns his head to look at me, which seems to be the signal to plow ahead.
I clear my throat. “Was the kiss back there…was it just for show like Ellie assumed it was?”
He turns his head back so he’s looking out the windshield rather than at me. He’s quiet a few beats before he finally says, “No.”
My chest tightens and my heart races.
“What was it?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head a little. “It just felt like the right thing to do. It felt like we were on a date, and you admitted something personal, and…” He trails off, leaving me to wonder what the and might have been leading to.
“I think we should talk,” I say softly.
“I think talking might be a bad idea.”
“Fine.” I toss open my door, slam it shut behind me, and head up to the front door without so much as a goodbye or a backward glance.
I fumble around in my purse to try to locate my house key, but I can’t seem to find it through the hands shaking with anger nor the eyes blurring with tears.
I shouldn’t be this affected. This upset.
But I am.
Because this feels big, and I realize for the first time how right he is. He has the power to shatter me completely. He shouldn’t. We’ve really only known each other as adults for the last three weeks. This is still new—really new. We haven’t defined what we are. Not quite friends, not quite something more than that.
But maybe that’s what I wanted to talk about. Why would he kiss me in a personal, emotional moment?
My hands are trembling once I finally locate my key. I try to shove the key into the keyhole in the darkness of my front porch, but between the blurry eyes and the shaking hands, I’m struggling.
That’s when I hear footsteps behind me, and then the light from a phone illuminating the door to help me fight my way in.
He comes in after me, and he shuts the door quietly as I storm through the house to the kitchen. I slam my purse down onto the counter, and I set my hands on my hips to face off when he appears a few beats later.
“What the fuck is your problem, Grayson?” I yell at him.
He looks surprised by my outburst, but he doesn’t answer my question. He just stares at me while my anger boils over.
“One minute you’re kissing me as we talk about my dad’s funeral, and the next minute you’re holding me at arm’s length. You’re leaning into me then pulling back, and I can’t tell if you like me or if you’re disgusted by me, and I just want some goddamn answers, but when I try to talk, you tell me it’s a bad idea. So what is it, Grayson?” I practically spit his name at the end.
