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“I’m sorry to hear that. I know that must have been horrible.”
“What do you know of a broken heart? You don’t let anyone close enough to break it,” she snapped.
I bit my tongue softly, counting to ten. The heartbreak was still fresh, and suddenly, her behavior around me and Rick made a lot more sense. She couldn’t bear to be alone with a man right now because one she had trusted so implicitly had broken that trust.
“I know more than you would think from just observing how I act around others,” I finally said. “Before I joined the military, I was in a long-term relationship. She… she wanted to get married for all the wrong reasons.”
If I was giving her the benefit of the doubt of not pressing for her reasons, I hoped she would do the same for me. This would only work if we had the mutual respect to let those sleeping dogs remain asleep as we spoke.
“Oh…”
Laurel refused to meet my eyes. I wondered if she had thought I had no emotions at all, though that was somewhat the point of being harsh with outsiders. It also kept me from having to worry about what kind of person they were until I could hear accounts of their dealings with other friends they made. Since Bailey had vouched for her, I had wanted to be kinder, but couldn’t find it in myself to stop the pattern. Not immediately. Now I berated myself internally for not having more grace with Laurel – a woman I really had known nothing about.
The stress of preparing a new chef to take over right before the season hadn’t helped at all with that, either.
“You don’t have to answer, but do you mind if I ask what her reasons were for wanting to marry before you were ready?” Laurel’s voice interrupted the quiet.
I gulped. Though I wasn’t entirely sure how she would react to the story, it wasn’t nearly as fresh as the hurt she must still be going through. Some days, thinking about Sara still felt fresh, but today was not one of those days. It felt more like a distant memory of a story someone had told me. Perhaps that was just because it felt much less recent compared to Laurel’s own engagement.
I gave the cheese a stir as I spoke.
“She wanted to marry me mainly for the benefits she would have gotten as a military wife,” I replied. “The health care was better than what she could afford or what her parents could afford, and in general she would have been pretty well taken care of financially as a military spouse. She thought it would be better to have a husband she couldn’t stand and good money than to have to get a job as a wife.” I sighed. I wasn’t sure why I felt like I could confide in Laurel, but the story kept spilling out. “I… I wanted to marry for love, and still do. But she said that we could just mess around outside of our marriage to actually fulfill our desire for love and connection. Hearing that she had never intended to be faithful to me utterly shattered my heart. I don’t think it ever quite recovered.”
“She… she told you that she didn’t want a faithful marriage?” Laurel’s voice showed the clear contempt she had for that sentiment. “What is with these people?”
Laurel’s response struck me as odd, but I continued. “A few years ago, she married an alcoholic, and from what she posts on her social media pages, I’m not sure if her approach to marriage is really working out all that well.” I considered for a moment. “I have no love for her now, but I do wish her happiness. She deserves that much if she thinks that marriage is just a transaction of money.”
“Mark and she would be just perfect for each other if they ever met,” Laurel said through clenched teeth.
“Did Mark… did he also try to ignore love?”
“Not in so many words,” Laurel whispered. “Not like that. He said that staying faithful to someone when he was just so successful wouldn’t have been natural.” She tossed a piece of chicken into the hot skillet so violently, I was surprised the force of it didn’t make the pan slide off the burner.
I winced. Those would have been harsh words from anyone, but from the man she was supposed to marry? I could see why she wanted to get away from Chicago now, especially if he had had no intention of remaining faithful to her.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I didn’t know what else to say. The fact that we shared some hurt in the way our relationships fell apart was somewhat comforting, but I imagined more for her than for me. I was angrier at her ex than I was upset for her. How could he give her that ring and then have no intentions of keeping the promises that he was going to make to her when they got married – no matter how far away the wedding was when they broke it off.
“Well, I suppose we both did the right thing, then,” Laurel finally said. “We refused to marry people who would only hurt us in the end. We saved a ton of money in the process on the divorce lawyers, but at what cost? I’m out thousands of dollars for all the deposits and everything because we were a week away from the wedding. And now,” she waved her tongs listlessly around to indicate the kitchen. “I don’t even know what I’m really doing here.”
Her voice cracked and she pulled away from the stove to grab some paper towels. She dabbed at her eyes until the tears stopped. As much as I wanted to let her know that I understood how much it hurt, I didn’t think I could relate to that part of the story so much. I had learned all of this about Sarah before I put anything down on a wedding or even bought her an engagement ring.
“I’m sorry,” Laurel whispered when she returned to the stove. “It’s still… still very fresh.”
“I didn’t mean to hit a nerve,” I replied. “I suppose we have more in common than we thought we did.”
“Yes, I suppose so.” She took a deep, shaky breath.
I looked around, trying to refocus our attention on something less tragic. “How is the chicken looking?”
She cut the chicken breast in half to get a better idea of how it was cooking, and perhaps to end the conversation. The silence that filled the room was no longer awkward, but something more of an understanding silence between the two of us. I continued to stir the heavy cream and cheese to keep it from burning.
I could see the cheese starting to melt into the cream, which was a good thing. Then, I took a better look at the recipe. It specified dumping in a half cup at a time until it was all melted together instead of melting it all at once.
I turned to Laurel and confessed my mistake.
Despite the puffiness, her eyes twinkled. “I know. I saw you dump everything in at once.”
