Page 67 of One Pucking Heart

Ari holds my hand as I scream through a few more contractions. Sweat drips down my face, mixing with my tears. I need Beckett.

“You have to start pushing. The baby is ready,” the doctor says.

“No! I can’t. Not without my husband.” I look at Ari and sob. “I need Beckett.”

“I’m here!” Beckett sprints into the room. His hair is still wet with sweat, and it’s clear he changed out of his pads and uniform at record speed. He wears a random pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt as he races toward me. “I’m here, baby.”

“Oh, thank God,” I cry as another contraction hits, and this time, I push.

Beckett holds my hand and rubs my sweat-soaked hair away from my face as I push through every contraction. It’s complete agony, and I hate every second of it, but fifteen minutes later, a slimy, warm, sweet little boy is being placed against my chest.

Tears roll down Beckett’s face. “It’s a boy!”

“It’s a boy,” I cry, kissing my baby’s head.

* * *

Beckett sits beside me on the sofa in our living room as we stare at the baby in my arms, one of our favorite pastimes. Nolan Cole Feldmore came into this world exactly when he wanted. He’s a week old, and I already know he’s going to take after his father—beautiful, bold, and fearless.

We chose not to find out the gender of the baby before he was born, and the surprise was so special. I’ll never forget the look on Beckett’s face when he realized he was a father to a little boy. I’m sure he has a hundred different toddler hockey setups in his Amazon cart, ready for purchase.

We chose the name Nolan because it means champion and Cole because it means victorious, both Beckett’s ideas, but I liked the sound of them. Poor kid has a lot to live up to now that his dad scored the winning goal for the Cranes Stanley Cup Victory.

My past life of struggle, save for the wonderful memories I made with Ari, barely hold residence in my mind anymore. It’s hard to recall who I was before when who I am now is everything I’ve ever wanted to be—a mom, a doctor, surprisingly enough a wife, and most of all—happy.

This baby will live a life surrounded by love. Our family and friends are some of the most incredible people. Ari is staying with us for a couple of weeks, making sure I have everything I need. I love that she has this extended family, too. For years, it was the pair of us against the world, and it worked. She was happy and loved. But now she is adored by so many more, and she deserves all the love in the world.

Beckett’s mother and Iris have stopped by to deliver meals every day and of course to hold little Nolan. All the Cranes have visited and are still on a high from the cup win followed by the arrival of Nolan on the same night. It will be a day we’ll all remember forever.

It’s hard to compare my past life to my current one. I feel as if I was a different person then. One's circumstances change who they have to be. My world was tightly controlled because it had to be for my survival. I was always a couple of bouts of bad luck away from losing everything.

In my new era, a massive weight has been lifted off me, and I can be free. Part of that is circumstance. But the realization that life could be this way was a hundred percent Beckett-driven. He taught me to let go and breathe. He showed me how it feels to be loved unconditionally. He gave me this little life in my arms. He’s supported me through all my endeavors over the past year, never allowing me to believe that there was anything I couldn’t do.

Nothing about Beckett’s love isn’t real, raw, and true.

He loved me enough to allow me to let go.

I’m no longer afraid, just blissfully happy.

It’s simple, really. The answer to so many things is love.

Beckett was always meant to be mine. I just had to wait for him to find me.

Now that he has, I’ll never let him go.

* * *