Page 84 of Catch and Cradle

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Page 84 of Catch and Cradle

He puts on his stern coaching voice. “That was a once in a lifetime experience for your eyes only, Moore.”

“Right. Of course.”

He reaches over to bop Khadija’s nose, which kind of defeats the whole intimidating lacrosse coach act.

“If you’re looking for a job next semester, I can see if my sports connections have anything,” he tells me. “I know some people who run intramurals leagues for the city. I can’t see the pay being all that spectacular, but running around a gym has got to be more fun than flipping burgers.”

“Or customer service,” I add with a shudder, thinking back to my last summer job coordinating kayaking bookings for demanding tourists.

“I’ll ask around,” Coach assures me.

“Thank you so much. That would be amazing.”

It never occurred to me to look for a job in sports. That just seems too good to be true. Even a paper-pushing position for a city sports centre would be better than being stuck in another cramped booking office. Running intramurals games would be a dream, and I know the sting of leaving lacrosse behind won’t hurt as bad if I still have athletics in my life. Maybe I’d even get the chance to play some casual lacrosse myself.

“I don’t know how we’re going to replace you as captain, Moore.” Coach’s voice calls me back from where I’ve been staring out at the lawn dotted with students, fantasizing about my as yet non-existent job. “Got any suggestions in mind?”

I only have one. She’s the clear choice. I’m sure he sees it too, but when I go to say her name, I can’t make a sound. I don’t know how much he’s heard about what happened. He knows the gist of what went on with Lisa, and he can’t be oblivious to what I’m sure everyone is whispering about now.

“Hastings,” he says for me, and the concern he puts into that one word turns it into something between a question and a reassurance.

I don’t know which I need more.

“Yeah.” I nod. “She’d be incredible. She’s a natural.”

“Does she want to be captain?” he asks.

“I...” I squeeze my hands into fists to ward off the pain. “I think it’s something she’s thought about, at least a little, but we...we aren’t really talking right now.”

Or possibly ever.

My nails dig into the heels of my palms so hard I’m sure they’ll leave marks.

“She’s a good person, that Hope Hastings. One of the best.”

I nod. It hurts too much to speak. It hurts too much to hear about her being a good captain and a good person and know I lost my shot at a place in her life. I fucking choked when I needed to speak—over and over and over again. I did the one thing she told me not to: I kept things from her because I thought it would make both our lives easier, even if just for a little while, just until I figured it out.

She didn’t deserve that. She deserved everything, right from the beginning.

Coach props one of his elbows on the table. “What I mean by that is that she’s not like Lisa.”

I jolt at the mention of Lisa. Coach gives me a cautious look.

“I hope that’s all right to say. I just mean that...Look, I really shouldn’t say this, but considering you only have a few games left on the team...I’m glad Lisa left. I’m glad all those girls left with her. She was a bully, Becca. At first, it was never enough for me to justify asking her to leave the team, but I saw it, and a lot of other people saw it too. She had a way of controlling people, and it’s not your fault you got roped into that. I just wish I’d known everything at the time. I would have done more. I wouldn’t have let it go so far. I’m the coach. It’s my job to make sure all my players feel safe and respected. I let you all down, and I’m sorry.”

“Coach.” My voice cracks, and I force myself to slow down and take a deep breath. “You didn’t let us down, and it wasn’t that simple. I messed up too. Lisa...she was a bully. She did some really not okay things, but I...I mean, especially with Hope, I...God, I fucked up so bad. I just didn’t want it to be like that again.”

Now I really am crying. Coach waits for me to let it all go. I pull myself together after a couple minutes and stare down at my hands in my lap.

“You’re tough, you know that?” he says once I’m no longer a sniffling mess. “And tenacious. You make your world into what you want it to be. It’s what makes you shine on the field. If you don’t like something in the game, you just...fix it. Sometimes I can’t even figure out how you’ve done it, even if I’ve been standing there watching the whole thing.”

I grin down at my lap. It’s pretty common to hear him standing on the sidelines shouting ‘I don’t know how you did that, Moore, but do it again!’

“Even your choice to leave the team and pursue a double major is impressive,” he continues, “as much as it encumbers me to have to replace the team captain.”

I make a face at him. “Did you just say encumbers?”

He shrugs. “I learned it from my wife yesterday. I’m trying it out. The point is, when you want something, you rearrange your whole life just to get it. That’s the kind of person you are, and I think you need to remember that. That’s all I’m saying.”


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