AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My heart falls so far into my stomach for a moment I feel like I might be sick and I let out a shaky breath. “Me specifically or just that you’re seeing someone.”
“You. Specifically.” He rubs his jaw and leans his head back against the headrest, letting his eyes shut. Despite this conversation we are having, I wonder if this is the most relaxed he’s been all day. “She won’t give me a divorce without going to counseling.” My eyes widen and I dart my gaze away from him to my window because I am certain if our eyes meet, I’ll burst into tears. “Marissa, look at me, baby.”
“No,” I grit out. And damn him for calling me that AGAIN. “What did you say?”
“Nothing. I wanted to talk to you first.”
I’m still staring out my window, so I know he can’t see the confused look on my face. Like I somehow have a say in a decision between a man and his wife. “About…?”
“What do you think?”
I furrow my brows, anger flaring through me when I turn my gaze to him. “About what? You think we’re going to be together while you and your wife go to counseling to fix your marriage?”
“It’s not going to fix anything.” He shakes his head.
I shoot him a look that isn’t quite a glare, but I hope he can see that I’m annoyed by his flippant response to therapy. “I am sure you’re not the first husband to feel that way.”
“She asked for a year and then she’d give me the divorce.”
“So, a year of what exactly? Playing house?” I’m not trying to be a smartass, but what exactly would they be doing?
“No, I talked to my lawyer and he thinks we can push for a trial separation, but if she pushes for counseling, a judge may side with her on that.”
“So, you just don’t get a say at all in it? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“Marissa…” He sighs. “I cheated on her a lot. I don’t have a prenuptial agreement and I make a lot of money. Unfortunately, her wanting to work things out means I have to play by her rules on some things.” He sighs. “Plus, she said she’d go public about you and me.”
My heart begins to pound in my chest at the thought of being fired from my first job. After only a month. I’d carry that stigma with me for my entire career if anyone ever called Beckham Securities for a reference. “What’s to stop her from doing that now?”
“She won’t if I do what she wants.” He reaches for my hand and despite my flinching, he rubs his thumb over the knuckles. “I want to ask you to quit. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I’ll write you a recommendation,” he says.
“So, you want me to give up my job for you. For us.” I shrug.
“I don’t mean it like that. If I could walk away, I would. It’s not as easy for me.”
“I get that. I didn’t ask.” I pull my hand away from his and cross my arms over my chest. “You told me not to worry. That she didn’t care. I already gave up my moral compass to be with you. Now, you’re suggesting I give up my job? I made all these rationalizations so I could still look at myself in the mirror every morning. I already feel like a different person than I did months ago, and I don’t want to risk waking up in another few months and not even recognize myself.” I shake my head. “We have great sex and we make each other laugh and I like who I am around you, whole mistress things aside,” I whisper because I can feel the tears building, “but you’re married and I think it’s best we just end things now…” My voice is calm despite the fact that my insides are screaming. “Before we go further down this road and it’s even harder to stop.”
“It’s already fucking hard, Marissa.”
My heart thumps painfully and I wince in response. “I know. For me too—but this is so complicated and the only thing that will make things easier for us both is if we walk away.”
He turns in his seat and lets his back rest against the door to stare at me. “How am I supposed to look at you every day and know that I can’t touch you or kiss you?” I turn to look at him and I see the anguish all over his perfect features. “Would it be that easy for you to see me?”
“Nothing about this is easy, Chris, but what do you want me to do? Even if she didn’t know who I was, I don’t know that I could do this for a whole year. We’ve hardly been sneaking around, but if you’re trying to work on your marriage, I can’t imagine you’d be able to spend every night out of the house with me, if any.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to put up with that. I shouldn’t have asked you to put up with as much as you have.” He sighs.
“Being with you is not a tough feat.” I give him a sad smile as I blink away the tears forming in my eyes. “I have been very into you since you bought me that shot of tequila.”
“Will you wait? Until I’m divorced?”
I’ve been waiting for this question. He’s asked it in so many ways before but now this is explicit and attached to a specific timeline. “I think it’s best if you don’t expect me to,” I tell him. In a perfect world, I’d tell him yes and we could spend the entire year shooting longing looks at each other from across the room, send each other secret love notes, and maybe even take a secret trip under the guise of business, but how is that different from what we’re doing now? “You can’t give your marriage a valiant effort if you’re just counting down the days until you can be with me. It’ll drive you crazy.”
“So, that’s a no.”
“What happens if in a year she wants another year or you two decide to reconcile? What if the last few years were just a bump in the road to your happily ever after with her?”
“It—”
