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TWENTY-FIVE
Alana
“They are coming?” I am staring down at the courtyard. From here, I swear I can still see the remnants of the elf’s blood staining the cobblestones.
Her body was removed sometime in the night.
I try to think about the elves, locked away in the dungeon the way we were when we first arrived here. I try to make myself feel sorry for them, but it is as if something in my heart has turned to ice.
Where there was too much feeling and too much hurt, and so many years of betrayal after betrayal, there is now nothing but a soothing coolness that spreads from my chest, down my arms, to my stomach.
Even moving feels easier, as if I’ve somehow become lighter overnight. I woke expecting to feel the oppressive thrum of guilt between my ribs. Instead, I feel powerful.
Eldrion sips his whisky and watches me. The way he watches me is changing. He seems curious, impressed, but also a little nervous. Perhaps because he suddenly feels like he cannot predict what I will do next.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asks.
I shake my head, and enjoy the sensation of my hair falling down my bare back. I am naked in front of him – done with the pretence of wearing robes to seem coy. We have fucked too many times for that now.
“What is there to talk about?”
“You took a life, Alana. And I assume it was the first.”
I turn slowly and observe Eldrion’s expression change. He looks down into his drink, and a sigh makes his fading wings shudder a little.
“The first is always the most difficult.”
“It wasn’t difficult.” I sit down in his armchair and cross one leg over the other.
He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Alana, you can’t just turn off your feelings.”
I frown at him, search my body for emotion, and then tilt my head. “Except, maybe I can. Maybe that has been my power all along. The ability to switch off my emotions so I can do what needs to be done.” I uncross my legs, deliberately giving him a view between them, before crossing them again. “You have tried over the years, and you’ve done a good job of it. But perhaps you didn’t go far enough. Perhaps that was the problem.”
“Alana...” He stalks across the room and stands in front of me, arms folded. “Don’t get me wrong, this version of you? It’s hot as hell. Watching you step into your power is something I will never tire of. But I know you. You are your feelings, and they don’t just disappear at the click of your fingers.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re protecting yourself. You’re shutting down because it’s all too painful.”
“Does it matter?” I snap, my words clipped and sharp. I look up at him, eyes flashing, magic blooming in my upturned palms. “Does it really matter? If it saves us, does it matter if I lose myself a little on the way?”
“Yes,” he says, nudging my knee with his own. “Because right now I’m not sure what we’re trying to save, are you?”
I frown at him. Something soft and uncomfortable is forming in my chest. I bite down on it until it solidifies and darkens. Slate, now. Not butter or honey or something easily pliable.
“We are trying to save the kingdom from Finn and his army.”
Eldrion nods slowly. “Yes,” he says, looking me up and down, his eyes lingering on my nipples. “That is what we are trying to do.”
“In which case,” I flutter my eyelashes at him, “why are we still discussing one dead elf?”
I watch as Eldrion grits his teeth, then leans forward and kisses me. His hand settles between my legs. “I’m not sure,” he says. “I’m really not sure.”
I sigh and lean back, but then I remember what we were discussing and I grab his hand, stopping the sensation of overwhelming pleasure from growing any more intense. “Are they coming to the castle tonight?”
He takes back his hand and stands up. “They’re coming.”
“All of them?”
