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Alana
Ican’t sleep. It’s impossible, and I don’t know how anyone else can be sleeping either.
I have expected Eldrion to come and knock on my door. If not him, then Kayan. I thought he might have returned by now with news of Finn.
But he hasn’t.
I am alone, as I was so many nights when I first arrived here.
Staring at my surroundings, it all seems so long ago now. And the woman who sat by the fireplace and allowed a jester to tend to her wounds seems like a different person. Someone I don’t recognise.
What would she think of what I’ve become?
I pace up and down, simply unable to rest. It feels as though we are wasting time, and yet my body aches with the need to rest.
I look out of the window at the moonlit rooftops of Luminael, visible beyond the citadel and the water that surrounds it. Above, obscured now by night, Finn’s storm clouds still glare down at us. Watching. Promising something more, something darker, something we cannot stop.
I want to believe we can.
But deep down, it all feels futile. Afterall, I’ve seen it happen. So has Eldrion, and so far everything we saw has come to pass.
Despite everything, all of our actions simply led us straight to the outcome we were trying to prevent. We created Finn. We allowed him to become what he is now. If we had ignored the visions and done nothing, what then?
If Eldrion had never bought me at auction and dragged me here, or if he had never charged Finn with tracking me down, or if, or if, or if...
I let out a frustrated cry and slam my fist into the wall. It hurts. I am not as strong as Eldrion or as able to let the impact bounce straight off me. I rub my knuckles and glance at the door. Briony has not appeared either, and that makes me worried.
I thought she would come to update me on Raine and the baby. Of course, I care for Pen too. But the baby... I just can’t stand the thought of anything happening to that baby.
From the beginning, it was a beacon of hope.
Watching her belly grow more rounded, and hearing her talk about her wishes and dreams for the tiny creature that had not yet made it into the world, gave us all something to cling on to.
If there was any doubt in my mind about what Finn has become, I only need to picture him standing over a pregnant, injured fae, and choosing to leave her and her baby to die. And then I remember he is lost to me.
Even Eldrion would not do that.
Would he?
I stride to the wardrobe and grab a long, thick shawl. I wrap it around myself to guard against the chill of the night, and leave my room.
It still feels so strange to be able to do that, and as I walk the halls of the castle, I expect to be stopped at any moment by a guard and dragged back kicking and screaming.
Instead, they look straight past me as if I am not really there at all.
Clearly, Eldrion has instructed them to leave me alone.
Noticing the tattered wings of a guard standing at the foot of the staircase that leads to Eldrion’s chambers, I wonder why he is still here. Why are any of the Shadowkind still here? Surely, they sense that Eldrion’s power has weakened?
Are they here out of loyalty? Or fear?
I hesitate at the base of the stairs. Thinking of him up there alone, everything in my body tells me to move towards him. But I ignore it.
I tear myself away from the promise of his touch and continue towards the healing quarters. In all truth, I do not know why Eldrion has such quarters in his castle. From what Briony told me when I first arrived, he was very reluctant to allow any of his servants or guards medical care even if they needed it.
That was precisely why Finn tended my wounds, and why Briony introduced me to him.
For a horrific moment, I find myself wondering – not for the first time today – whether I am still able to trust Briony. Everything in my heart wants to believe she is the friend she says she is. But what if I am wrong? I was wrong about Finn. What if she is a spy in our midst? What if she was part of his game all along?
