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Kayan
Seeing Alana like that, with Eldrion, made me feel numb. If I’d thought about it beforehand, I’d have assumed it would fill me with rage, or bile, or hatred.
But I feel none of those things.
Just emptiness.
I don’t even think of the night we spent together. I don’t see visions of Alana and I, bodies entwined, promising to love each other forever. I don’t even see Eldrion’s face as he threw me to my death.
I see nothing.
And I don’t know if that’s because I’m not really here or because it is too much to absorb.
When she sees me, that changes. Something shifts in my gut and uneasiness fills my lungs. She hates herself for wanting him and that is what hurts me.
To know she is giving herself to him and that afterwards she will be filled with disgust for herself; that is not something she should ever feel.
I follow them back to the castle. She is bristling with anger, and yet when she looks at him, there is something else simmering in her gaze. It is not affection. Is it need? The need to be close to him?
Perhaps in some strange way, he makes her feel safe amongst all this death and carnage and decay.
Approaching the citadel, I look up at the sky. It is still bruised with storm clouds. They hover ominously above the castle while the rest of the city rests beneath pale blue sky and fluffy white clouds.
They are an omen of what’s to come. Because, undeniably, something is coming.
Finn has unleashed a darkness I haven’t felt before.
And I realise now that this is my purpose. Whatever is coming, I was sent back to help.
Following them over the bridge and into the courtyard, remaining completely invisible even to Alana, I try not to let the thud of guilt settle beneath my ribs. Could I have stopped her trusting him? Would it have made a difference?
Something tells me it would not have; that all paths would have led to this even if I had made Alana see that Finn was not to be trusted.
When I see her embracing Briony, my heart lightens a little. At least she has one, true friend who can ground her. She needs that.
She has always been a deep thinker. She takes other people’s emotions and her own and she dwells on them. She allows them to fester and turn her into something more muted than she should be.
Her parents and the elders of our village always tried to encourage her to ignore her power, bite down on it, keep it hidden and quiet and buried deep inside her.
I always felt as though they should do the opposite, and teach her how to use it.
Because fighting it has not helped anyone.
Used properly, her powers could help not just Alana but everyone else, too. The way she helped the Leafborne in the dungeon after my death.
She could be a healer. She could be something great.
If only they gave her the chance.
Perhaps after all this is over, I can help her see where her strength lies.
She is walking away from Eldrion with Briony when a group of Sunborne arrive at the gates. They have seen the clouds above the castle, and they want to know what is happening.
Eldrion tries to give them a half-answer, hoping to encourage them to leave without a fight for more truth. The woman he’s speaking to does not believe him. She wants more, and I am shocked when it is Alana who gives it to her.
With ease, she steps into a lie that rolls expertly off her tongue.
And she blames us. The Leafborne.
