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Yet, as soon as I set foot in the darkness between the trees, I waver. I have no idea how I’m going to force myself to confront what Finn has done.
Because he has, undoubtedly, done something terrible.
Unspeakable.
Unfixable.
My thoughts of getting here before it happened now seem foolish. Like so many other things I have done, and thought, and seen, and been in my life.
What made me think I could change his mind, even if I did arrive before he...?
I can’t even form the thoughts.
I see them. I see what he did, but I can’t allow myself to think them. It’s too much.
I walk steadily forward, towards the campsite I left less than two days ago, and hold my head high. Watching me from the back, I want Eldrion to think I am brave, and strong. I want Maura to see that, too. Because she, above all others, has only ever seen me as a pariah.
And, despite knowing I shouldn’t care, I still so desperately want to prove myself to her.
“Have you considered what we will do if he’s still in the camp?” she says, stepping up beside me.
She is shorter than me, and fragile looking. All sharp angles and paper-like skin. Pale with dark blue veins on her hands and arms. She is hundreds of years old. She has seen more than I have and endured more than I have. She is strong. And yet, she is afraid, too.
“He’s not there.” I shake my head gravely. “He’s gone. I’d know if he was still there.”
Maura raises her eyebrows at me. “Did you truly love him?” she asks, with not a hint of kindness in her tone. “Or were you so blinded by lust that you tricked yourself into believing it was love?”
I press my lips together. I cannot answer her. I feel the way I did when I was a child, and when the other Leafborne demanded answers from me that I could not give them.
What are you, Alana? Are you reading my mind right now? What’s wrong with you? Why are you so strange? What am I thinking right now? Did you do that? Did you make him do that? Did you make her cry? What is wrong with you?
I screw my eyes closed for a moment.
Eldrion is watching us. I can feel his steely gaze on me.
“The jester fooled us all,” he says, striding forward. “This wasn’t a plan he concocted overnight. Was it?” He looks at Briony.
She swallows hard and shakes her head. “No,” she whispers. “Finn has been planning a rebellion over the Sunborne for hundreds of years. He manipulated us all. He made us think we were going to...” She hesitates, blinking quickly.
“Continue.” Eldrion stops and folds his arms in front of his chest. “We are on the same side now, Briony, whether we like it or not. So, you have nothing to fear from me.”
She studies his face. Somehow, even though he is offering her a truce, it comes out sounding like a threat.
“At first, it was just about escaping. Leaving the castle. That’s why we built the tunnels. Then it became about you.” A cold wind snaps through the trees, blowing Briony’s dark hair across her face. She tucks it back and inhales deeply. “He wanted to remove you from power.” She is choosing her words carefully. “But then...”
I step in because her words are thin and quivering, and she looks like she might begin to cry. “Then he changed the rules. He wanted to kill all Sunborne fae. Take over the city. Rule Luminael.” A shudder runs through me. “That was when I decided to come to the castle to kill you. Because I thought it might stop him from taking it too far.”
As I speak, Briony’s eyes widen as if she can’t believe I just admitted to Eldrion that I intended to assassinate him.
Maura purses her lips and tuts.
Eldrion nods slowly. “I see,” he says. “A brave decision.”
Maura tuts again. Does she see the flicker of heat between Eldrion and I? Does she think I have been manipulated yet again by a fae who makes my heart beat faster and my legs quiver?
With a small flick of his wings, Eldrion motions for us to continue walking. We sink into silence. The forest is becoming darker and colder.
I look down, and realise a thin grey mist is swirling around my feet.
