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“Age?”
“Four months. So you pick a date four months back that sounds like it’ll work.”
“Any allergies?”
“Hope not.”
“Father’s name?” I say. Even though this is all made up, there’s still a not-so-quiet voice inside me begging for her not to say Nick’s name. I don’t know if I could write it, then. It’d feel wrong.
Sophie takes a quick look at me, then back to Charlie, and says, “Just put ‘unknown.’”
“I can’t.”
“What about ‘orgy participant?’”
“Ew.”
“This is all made up, Em. If I want Charlie to be my orgy byproduct, that’s what he’s going to be. It’s more important that he get in to see the doctor, right?”
“Yeah, but it feels disrespectful to Charlie to put that down.”
Sophie pinches Charlie’s cheek and speaks in a singsong voice. “Aw, who’s the cute little unintended consequence of an orgy? Does it bother you that you might be a mix of the sperm of fifteen men? Or are you just happy to be the cutest little mixed-sperm baby in the whole wide world?”
“Fifteen men, now?” I say.
“Go big or go home,” Sophie says.
“No, I’m not writing ‘Byproduct of 15-man orgy.’”
She rolls her eyes. “How about you just put ‘Handsome Drifter?’”
I put it in the box. “Fine. Still can’t believe you’d have sex with a drifter without learning his name.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
I huff.
She laughs. “You seem really on edge, Em. Are you that upset about my fictional baby daddy relationship with Hunter?” She puts her free hand on my shoulder. “You know this is all just a joke, right?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I just… I think it’s attractive how much he cares for Charlie, how protective he is. When I was with Jay, he was protective, too, but it was in a controlling way. Like he had to protect me from myself because he didn’t believe in me, like he thought I was just going to go out and cheat on him or something. It’s not like that with Hunter. Plus, with Hunter, he’s…”
“He’s hot. Really hot. Like, I might actually let him impregnate me if he asked.”
“Ew…” I say. Though it’d be a lie if I didn’t say I’d asked myself the same question and the answer came back inconclusive. “But he is hot, and maybe I don’t want him to just see me as the babysitter.”
“Well Em, I have news for you: right now, you are the babysitter.”
“And not just for Charlie, either,” I say, smiling a little at the fake-indignant look that comes across Sophie’s face.
“Hey, I resemble that remark.”
Charlie coos and laughs. I continue filling out the forms with my best guesses while I mull over my situation.
“But I am a babysitter. That’s what I’m doing right now. And I like it. And I get to help Charlie,” I say, already talking myself down from being upset. “Maybe I should look on the bright side. Besides, don't most dads have fantasies about their kids’ babysitters?”
Maybe that means he’s thinking about me the same way I think about him.
“Dads do. But Hunter isn't a dad. He's a daddy.”
