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The man who always seemed to have an answer was finally silent. He just looked at me, taking in the sight of his heartbroken girlfriend, crying her eyes out because of a ‘mistake’ that became a habit. At that moment, all his lies unraveled, and so did my hope of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.
I’d never felt so worthless before. Or since.
All the times we talked late at night, planning our future together, he made me feel like I was the only important thing in his life. He knew everything about me. I’d confided everything, as if he was a human diary.
He knew my fears, my weaknesses, my doubts. Instead of keeping them safely locked away, he used them to get away with his lies.
What’s worse, though, was the betrayal. A second wave of pain would come when I reached for the phone to call my best friend about how much I hated him. Then I remembered the part she played in all of this and the cycle of emotional turmoil would continue.
What really turns my stomach is remembering the fight: what I heard; what I felt. When I visualize my ex’s face, it’s somehow replaced with Drew’s. In my mind, they’re one and the same.
They both lied and I should have seen it sooner but I didn’t. I wanted to stay in that fairytale feeling where everything was great all the time but again, it came to bite me in the butt. It’s my own fault for not being smarter this time around.
I blame myself for not speaking up about the red flags as they appeared just as much as when I blamed my ex for cheating on me. Surely, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and kept a best friend in the process. But after a while, I realized it had to play out the way it did. It taught me a hard lesson about listening to your intuition. It’s usually right.
Back then, it was Mia who had to help build me back up again. For weeks, I didn’t want to get up, not even to walk the guests’ pets on the beach. Somehow, she got me out of bed, outside, and doing something productive. She held me after work when I couldn’t hold in the tears anymore.
She didn’t judge me like I did myself. Instead, she listened when I needed to vent, and gave me the courage I needed to get through another day.
I never thought the cycle of sadness and pain would end until one day, I was up and out the door all on my own. I didn’t need Mia to push me to do it, I simply did it and the world kept turning. Not long after, I started feeling more like myself, and less like I was worthless.
I swore up and down that relationships weren’t for me, and that I was fine being by myself. I had Mia, the pets, and the inn, and that’s all I needed. I could be perfectly happy living in paradise with the people I love most, working the job I love most, in the place I love most.
That is, until Drew walked into my life and turned that idea upside down.
He was a walking daydream and I should have seen the red flags. Surely there were plenty I missed, right?
I think back to our lunch dates and how he didn’t care to share much about his family. I let myself assume they weren’t close or they hadn’t talked in a while. Families can have issues just like any relationship.
He didn’t talk about work unless a text or email popped up on his phone that he quickly dismissed and put back in his pocket. As far as I knew, he was a man on vacation and didn’t want to think about work. It made sense, but those were just red flags that were harder to spot.
When I try to think of other lies he must have told me besides his name, I come up short. What he did share about himself, about what little he shared about his family, was all technically true. He just shared as little of the truth as he could to hide who he was—who his family was—just in case I caught onto something he didn’t want me to.
Still, I have a nagging feeling that there is more to learn about him, and I want to know. I grab my laptop from my desk and sit it down on my bed as I punch in Drew’s real name.
The first link is to Bellamy’s website. The homepage shows the founders, Drew’s parents, and the many accomplishments and awards the Bellamy family has earned over the years. When I click the ‘Meet the Team’ tab, Drew and his siblings are at the top of the page above the rest of the high executives in the company.
When I click on Drew’s photo, the page shows me a man I hardly recognize. His bio is wafer-thin at best, saying that he’s the second son of founder Richard Bellamy and has been head of contract negotiations for years.
The man in the photo isn’t the Drew I know. He smiles, but just enough to make the picture seem friendly. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he didn’t want to smile or be on the site. Period. His blond curls are much shorter and combed back where you can’t even tell his hair is curly. His navy-blue suit compliments his complexion but makes features like his jawline and cheekbones sharper and more intimidating.
His eyes aren’t warm like I’m used to. They’re hard and intense and if I’m being honest, a little scary. I can only imagine what it would be like sitting across from him in a business meeting.
When I try to find more photos of him, I can’t dig up much. Most of the time, the photos link to articles written by rag magazines claiming absurd stories about torrid affairs, wild nights of partying, and other stories that are just downright ridiculous.
What’s sick is the story that tried saying there was foul play in his parents’ deaths. Autopsy reports debunked it, thankfully. It’s clear the writers were just making up whatever they could to make a buck. So, if I was Drew Bellamy, I might want to pretend to be someone else too.
The only clear photo of him is that headshot on the company website. Yes, there are a few candid shots from gossip magazines but he’s got his head down, sunglasses on, or has his hand up to obstruct the image.
If you didn’t know any better, he could just be another guy walking down the street. He’s never seen at public events like his brother Troy or his sisters. He seems to keep to himself as much as possible.
It hits me that I might actually know more about Drew Bellamy than the rest of the world does. They don’t know about the childhood memories of sailing that he holds close to his heart. They don’t know that he hates peas and asparagus but ironically loves brussels sprouts with his dinner. They don’t get to see the smile I fell in love with, the one he gets when we’re talking for hours and we’re laughing about a fond memory of the past.
Have they seen the way his left cheek gets a dimple when he laughs hard enough, but not the right? Do they know that if they look close enough, they can see flecks of green in his beautiful brown eyes?
The world knows him by only a name and a singular photo. There’s no doubt that’s by design. The world has no idea what they’re missing and I feel spoiled getting to know as much as I do about him.
As much as I try putting Drew in the same boat as my ex, I realize that it’s pointless. They aren’t even on the same playing field. The more I’m faced with what I know to be true about Drew, the more I start to understand why he did what he did.
