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Class Act Genius
It’s an art being a class act motherfucking genius.
Standing there, in the middle of the preliminary hearing clown show, I gestured for my resident assistant to come down, back to the pits of hell. She stood like a deer in headlights. Man, that stage fright must’ve been rough. I honestly couldn’t imagine. Birchwood Bowl aside, I was about to give the performance of my career.
"You’re right, coach," I said evenly. "I need to clean up my act. I need to stop fucking around."
"I’ve heard this speech before," he warned me.
Coach Lawson was at his last rung of the ladder. I got it. But I also understood that this was the spring semester of my junior year. Beyond this one, I had my last year in college before I was heading to the pros. One last year of dicking around campus before the rest of my life.
All I had to do was slide through this like I slid through everything else.
"Piper?" I motioned the RA down the stairs. "Can you come back down here? I have a couple of questions."
She didn’t move. I had to sweeten the deal.
"I’ll go to the rules and regulations night."
No movement.
"And I’ll start the popcorn reading," I promised.
With reluctant steps down the stairs, Piper came back. Alright, I had my RA ready to go.
Once she sat down, I got to work. "You asked me to come to the pie-throwing contest and what’d I do?"
Piper frowned. "You…"
"I…?"
"You…came to the pie-throwing contest."
"Wow, look at that!" I gestured towards her, but I could see my coach wasn’t impressed. "Piper, you asked me to kick everybody out of the party. What’d I do?"
She pressed her lips together.
"That’s right." I grinned and she avoided my gaze. "I kicked everybody’s asses out of the party. You didn’t want your slippers to get wet in the hall—"
Her eyes shot daggers at me. "I did not ask you to pick me up."
"But you inspire me." Leaning down, I cut the distance between us. "Piper, you inspire me to help. You inspire me to be proactive in my community!"
Piper rubbed her temples. "Let’s not go too far."
"Cut to the chase, Adam," Coach Lawson snapped.
"What’s better than a resident assistant?" I nodded at Piper and a furious blush overtook her features. "Reliable, dependable, they’re keeping the university running. I’m fucking up. I get that. So let me prove to you that I’m not going to fuck up. That I really am going to change!"
Everybody in the room fell silent. Even Cleo stilled over her laptop. Coach’s head PR intern just looked at me, no doubt trying to figure out my angle.
"Piper can tag along with me during the week. Hell, we live right across from each other. Three feet between our doors." I squared my shoulders and looked at my coach. "She follows along during the first week of spring training, I’ll go to the rules and regulations crap. She gives the all-clear. I’m good to go. This is a fine, upstanding young woman here. Would she lie to you?" I turned back to Piper. "Piper, would you lie to him?"
She couldn’t answer me. She was too busy staring at me, mouth agape.
"See?" I clapped my hands together. "Great idea."
"No. Absolutely not." Piper shot up from her chair and shook her head wildly. It was pretty adorable. Some of her blonde hair even slipped out of her bun. "There’s an RA trip this weekend, and I’m sorry, but I’m not following you around just to make sure you don’t shut down a building’s water again!"
