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“I am having fun,” she whispered, honestly. “But…maybe too much fun. Or maybe…it’s hard to explain.” She lifted a hand to his cheek, needing to be honest, even when that scared her. “I hated you. I really did. And the more I get to know you, the harder I find it to hate you, or even to be annoyed at you, and when those things aren’t there…”
His eyes widened as some form of comprehension dawned. His Adam’s apple shifted as he swallowed. “Are you saying you have feelings for me?”
The words were tinged with ice.
It was all the answer Maddie needed—and she hadn’t even realized there was a question there.
“No,” she answered, and the moment she said it, she knew how big of a lie that was. “But I know I could have feelings for you, one day, if I’m not careful. And I have to be careful. I learned the hard way to protect myself, and this—,” she shrugged. “There’s too much potential for things to go wrong.”
Silence crackled between them, and Maddie’s nerves stretched taut, pulling at her until she could hardly speak.
“Say something,” she urged, when the lack of speaking threatened to destroy her nerves altogether.
“It’s fine,” he said with a brusque nod then. “You’re right. We should both move on after this. It’s time.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THERE WAS NO REASON for Maddie to stay for the wedding. She’d finished with the flowers. For days and nights, hours and hours at a time, she’d worked with the blossoms until they were utterly breathtaking. The abundance took her breath away. You could not take a step without seeing an arrangement, without catching a hint of the floral blossoms, without seeing and feeling the surroundings of nature. They were everywhere, down to the floral crowns she’d made for the Santoro children, who were dressed in white and busy blowing bubbles around the gardens.
The whole event had been idyllic in a way that had made Maddie’s eyes well up. She watched with a few other members of staff, including Lilliana, from the sidelines. At a wedding, she supposed, it was normal to be engrossed by the bridal couple, but for Maddie’s part, she found it impossible to look away from Rocco. He stood at the front, dressed in a jet-black tuxedo, and even in a sea of Greek God-type men, he stood out. Or perhaps that was just to Maddie, who knew that beyond looking tall, dark, and handsome, he was also strong and warm. She knew what it felt to be carried by those arms, kissed by those lips, pleasured by that body, entertained by that mouth.
At one point, during the ceremony, his eyes travelled the assembled crowd, and then beyond it, landing at the edge of the open-sided marquee, where Maddie was standing. His eyes landed on hers and held; it was like being caught in a vacuum; all the air left her lungs. Maddie stared at him, her pulse in her throat, her lips parting on a soft exhalation, her heart tightening with acceptance of the reality that this was almost over. Her reaction to a simple glance showed her why it had to be.
Her whole body tightened with the certainty that he was not a part of her future. With the safety that came from that decision.
She looked away quickly, a dismissive smile tightening her lips.
Frustration curdled inside of him.
It was his brother’s wedding; he should have been focused on the vows, on the couple, on the marriage. But it was taking all of his concentration to stop looking at Maddie. Maddie with her riotous curls and wide, intelligent eyes. Maddie with those softly kissable lips. Maddie, who’d turned this wedding into a floral oasis, making him…proud.
Yes, proud.
He’d known she’d be good—he had an innate sense about these things. But he hadn’t understood quite how good, until he’d walked into the garden today and seen what she’d been working on all week. She deserved every dollar he’d paid her, and then some.
It’s time.
The promise he’d made her rung in his ears as he was briefly aware of the ceremony drawing to a close. His glance shifted to his brother and Marcia. He could only see the bride—Raf’s back was to the groomsmen—but she looked happy enough. Happy, in the way one might, if they were in love.
God, he hoped that to be true.
He had put all his chips on that one square. He’d gambled his brother’s happiness, choosing to keep silent and hoping for the best. Because he needed to hope that one of them could believe in relationships and love? Because he needed to know their father’s choices hadn’t ruined this for all of them?
If Raf had met someone he loved, then Rocco wasn’t going to do anything to mess it up, even when he didn’t believe in happily ever after for himself.
Again, his eyes shifted to Maddie, and now, a frown tugged at his lips.
Rocco had learned as a boy that loving someone, needing them, relying on them being in your life, was a surefire way to be hurt. He’d felt that hurt when his mother had died, and it had almost killed him. How bereft he’d been. How incensed at the injustice of it all, and his inability to change a damned thing.
It had hurt like hell. So, how to protect oneself from that pain? Well, he’d learned that from a master.
Avoid love.
Avoid commitment.
Date.
Fuck.
