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I looked at Austin as he took it all in and captured a million pictures of our surroundings. His eyes were wide, and the smile on his face was breathtaking.
As we stood in this paradise, I couldn’t fathom how lucky I was that he loved me. I longed to regain the years we’d let slip away, but I knew in my heart we wouldn’t have survived as a couple back then. The odds had been stacked against us, and it made me grateful we’d found one another again.
“Look at that.” He pointed to the brightly colored, red pinecone-shaped plant.
I squatted down next to it. “That is a shampoo plant.”
“You’re making that up.”
I laughed. “No, I’m not. That’s the Shampoo Ginger plant. The roots are edible, but more bitter than the ginger we eat. They’re also used in medicine. Watch this.”
I wrapped my fingers around the pinecone-shaped flower and squeezed while pulling up. The clear, fragrant liquid held inside oozed out over my hand, making me suddenly aware of the snickers coming from him.
“That’s a hell of a plant there, babe.”
I stood and slung the excess water off my hand before wiping it on his T-shirt.
“Oh, Mr. Rowan. It’s on now.”
We only stood inches apart, only enough space for the humid air to pass between us. His eyes were dark green pools with gold flecks, but the way he was looking at me made me want to squirm. “Is that a promise?”
Austin took my face between his hands and kissed me like he had earlier this morning. I probably would have been tempted to drop to my knees to give my first blow job if we’d been alone out here, but I held myself back.
He pulled away, but held me close. Everyone around us disappeared, and all I saw was him.
“Are you always going to have that effect on me?”
“I certainly hope so,” he murmured. Glancing around, he looked back at me. “This is beautiful, but I’d rather be in the hot springs.”
I smiled and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”
A little while later, we found ourselves in a secluded part of the river where the warm water flowed over the stair steps of rock into the waiting pool below. We were both in our regular swim trunks, preferring not to show our persistent erections to anyone but each other.
Austin lounged on a rock as I sat on his lap, facing him. “Never in a million years would I ever have expected to be comfortable sitting like this on a man’s lap.”
He ran his hands up and down my back, causing goosebumps to break out. “What about having sex with a man?”
I considered his question before I answered him. “Surprisingly, no. But with you, everything is different. It doesn’t matter to me that you’re a man. What matters is how you make me feel. How every time I’ve ever looked at you, I always got butterflies in my stomach, even back then.”
I shook my head and chuckled to myself.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m amazed at the things I’m learning about myself. At my age, I should have been...” I trailed off.
“Should have what? Married? Had kids? Or grandkids?”
I shrugged. I guess this was the time to tell him all that. “I’ve been married. And I was supposed to have a child.” I hadn’t talked about that in so long.
“What do you mean?” he asked, keeping his hands on me. His touch grounded me.
“Sabrina and I lost a baby. He was stillborn at thirty weeks.”
The memory of that horrible time in my life, along with the guilt and regret, consumed me again. I knew I had to tell him, so I just let it come.
“When we got married, it was for all the wrong reasons. We loved each other as friends, and the sex between us was mechanical. It was expected. She wanted a child, and at thirty-five, she felt like the clock was ticking. So, after trying for six months, we finally conceived. We were both happy about the baby, but something was missing between us, and we couldn’t put our fingers on it. She knew it, and I knew it.”
Austin listened as I lost myself in the memory. “There was no passion between us. No butterflies. I was missing the feelings I felt for you. The connection. The fucking idea we were meant to be together, even though another man had never crossed my radar the way you did. It ate away at me, and when the baby died, I knew it was my fault.”
