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Although it wasn’t mandatory, I made a point to attend the March workouts as an example for the younger players since I was the captain of the defense. Despite my reluctance, I dragged myself off the couch and went anyway.
When I pulled into the parking lot, there were only a few cars parked at the training facility, and that was probably a good thing. I didn’t want to see anyone. Just wanted to get in there, lift a little, and go home.
When the defensive coordinator got one look at me, he went straight to Coach, who I knew would call one of the trainers and nutritionists. Instead, he called Simon Taylor, who was going to grill me up one side and down the other. He knew what the physicality of being a linebacker required because he lived with a former linebacker. He was also my friend.
Simon was used to working with stubborn assholes. He’d been the Pirates team doctor and was married to Jackson Kincaid, the former All-Pro linebacker I had replaced. We’d gotten to know them at Foster’s wedding in Key West last year. They had two kids, and Simon had taken a step back from the team to be more of a stay-at-home dad to fifteen-year-old Parker and three-year-old Ava.
I’d been working out for all of ten minutes when Simon walked in. His eyes surveyed me as he walked up to the machine I was using. “Hey Patrick, what’s going on? Come back and let me check your vitals.”
I nodded and followed him, then sat on the training room table and shook my head. If I started talking about it, I might just fall apart. So denial it was.
Simon washed his hands, then opened a drawer and took out his stethoscope. “So, what’s going on, buddy?”
“Nothing. Just not hungry these days.”
He reached for my wrist and took my pulse. “Hop on the scale for me.”
I did as he asked and looked down to see I’d lost fifteen pounds.
“That’s quite a drop there.”
I sighed and ran my hand over my longer than normal hair as I sat back on the exam table. “Just not, umm…”
Simon studied me for a moment, then took out his phone. Tapping away at something on the screen, and when he found what he was looking for, he grunted and put it back in his pocket.
“Why aren’t you on tour with Cole? I thought you were going with them.”
I nodded and sat there, looking at my hands, willing my goddamn eyes not to start. I’d cried so much over the last month that I wasn’t sure where they were coming from anymore. But I knew if I started again, I might never stop. I couldn’t handle all the questions.
My insides roiled, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I squeezed my temples because my head hurt and I hadn’t been sleeping worth shit.
“I can’t talk about it here, Simon.”
Simon put his stethoscope into his ears. “I recognize your symptoms. And I know what grief looks like. Just breathe normally for me.” He listened to my lungs, then asked the one question I didn’t want to answer. “Did you guys break up?”
I shook my head. “No. Well, maybe. I don’t really know. We haven’t talked about it.”
He moved the instrument around again. “When’s the last time you talked to him?”
My head was starting to pound now as the pain hitched in my chest. “After the Super Bowl.”
Simon didn’t comment as he continued to check me out. He just kept on listening to my internal organs.
“Most of us have been through something similar to what you and Cole are going through. But your situation is most like Greg and Cooper’s. You know their story. But a couple of years ago, when Declan was being an idiot, we had an impromptu conversation with him at our house that just kind of became what we all did to support each other.”
He moved around to listen to my lungs.
“Jackson and I had only been together for about four months when he tore his ACL. Dec came over with Marcus to see him the next day. Somehow, we got onto the topic of a guy he met at Alejandro’s when he moved to town. Turns out, that guy was Callum. He’d been an ass to him after they hooked up. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and tell you where you’re going wrong. In Declan’s case, it was pretty simple. He needed to apologize, especially when we found out it was our friend who’d helped with Parker after his mom died.”
I nodded. “That’s fucked up.”
He chuckled. “Yes, it was. Callum didn’t make it easy on him. But things worked out.”
“Did Jackson ever fuck up with you?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No. When he finally told me how he felt about me, that was it. But we had our obstacles; I was the team doctor, and he was a player. The NFL didn’t approve of our relationship since we both worked for the same team. But he wasn’t giving up, and Aidan found a solution. Even got Parker in on it.”
Simon smiled at the memory, then listened to my kidneys.
