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My second worst nightmare was playing out before my eyes. Patrick was walking away from me. And this might just mean the end of us once and for all.
CHAPTER 18
PATRICK
I had no idea how I got home. No idea what day it was or even the time. All I knew was I was numb and my fucking head hurt from all the crying. Grieving was more accurate. Pain that refused to end coursed through me.
And the very worst part was Cole wasn’t here.
I felt his absence, like my arm had been removed.
When I saw the car, it took a moment before memories of that night began to resurface in my brain. One after another. I remembered driving. My clothes were wet, and I wanted to get home. I changed lanes, and that’s when the other car hit me. They were bad memories, but not paralyzing like I would have expected. They didn’t hold me captive in them.
What had taken me to my knees was the love of my life falling apart before my eyes. He was in so much pain and blamed himself for all of this. So much so that the anguish made him physically ill. Everything I’d put us through was to fucking protect him, and I’d still failed. I’d shattered him into a million pieces and broken myself right along with him.
I sat on our bed and rocked myself, trying to get the pain to disappear. But nothing helped.
“I’m sorry, Daniel. I failed at protecting him like you told me to. I’m so sorry.”
The sound of footsteps drew my attention to the door. Cooper stood in the doorway holding a tray of food. “I brought you something to eat.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want food. I didn’t want anything. “Not hungry.”
He came in and sat the tray on the dresser, then sat down in front of me. Cooper wore sweats and looked like he’d been here a while. My confused perusal of him must have clued him in that I had no idea what was going on in my life.
“I guess you’re wondering why I’m here. Actually, Greg is here too. He’s just gone to take Maggie for a run.”
My brow furrowed. “Why are you here?”
He smiled. “Adam called me. He told me about what happened with the car.”
Pain lashed through me like licks of fire across my skin. The burn was painful and ached with no end in sight.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I nodded. I had no secrets anymore.
“Who’s Daniel?”
I looked up at the ceiling, willing him to give me strength. “My uncle. He died when I was seventeen.”
“I’m sorry, Patrick. You were obviously close to him.”
I nodded. “I was. He was only ten years older than me. More like an older brother.”
“Losing someone leaves scars behind, especially when it’s someone we love and care about.”
I held Cole’s pillow to my chest. It smelled like him. I missed him terribly.
“Do you know where he is?”
Cooper smiled. “Yeah, he’s with Adam and Michael. He said he wanted to give you space to figure out what you wanted.”
“I want him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Does he know that, Patrick? You know Greg and I didn’t have the easiest time getting our shit together, and I’ve been right where you are. We both have. It was the most difficult time of my life. In case your memory is fuzzy, we were married, and I couldn’t tell anyone. I wanted to be able to love him without shame or ridicule. And he couldn’t do it, not until we hit rock bottom and had to figure out what we wanted.”
I nodded, the story returning to me. “We were at your vow renewal.”
