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I looked up at him with wide eyes as he unfolded his napkin and placed it in his lap.
That was funny. “What? Why? Because that’s a big fat lie. He was in band. Talented as fuck, but he never wrestled.”
Michael’s face grew into a smirk as he shrugged while cutting into his omelet. “When I first started on his detail, he tried to tell me he could defend himself and didn’t need me to teach him any self-defense. It was a highlight of our early days together. That was also the day he let Cole’s middle name slip out.”
He smiled and dug into his food as my chest began to loosen. “I appreciate you letting that go.”
“It’s no big deal. But I really hope you’ll think about seeing someone to help with that. You guys deserve to be happy. GQ’s brother might know someone. Cooper’s a good guy.”
I nodded, absentmindedly moving my breakfast around with my fork. “Yeah, I know. I like him a lot. But what should I do about Cole? I don’t want to lose him, Michael.”
He lifted his gaze to mine, and I could see the sincerity in his expression. “I think it boils down to figuring out what can you do to change the situation for him that you can also live with. Maybe figure out how far you’re willing to bend to make things better between you two. Until you know, I think you should let him focus on the music and finishing the tour. We’ll be home in eight weeks.”
“Take care of him for me.”
Michael nodded. “I will, buddy. Stay in touch and let me know how you’re doing.”
“Yeah, okay. You too.”
That afternoon on my flight home, I thought about everything Michael said. I had a choice to make. Either I wanted a life with Cole, who had waited years for me to make some changes, or I wanted to move on without him. And I knew in my heart I couldn’t live without him.
So, when my plane landed back in Portland, I texted Foster to see if he and Coop wanted to meet for a beer at Alejandro’s.
The tall, muscled tight end was happy to meet up for a beer. He was quiet and Cooper had never met a stranger. They had a hell of a story about trying to make their love work when the world and Foster thought he was straight.
Their vow renewal was the beginning of our fractured relationship. Cole and I had attended the event in Key West and got a taste of what it would be like to be out in public without worrying about who we were.
Cooper and Greg knew our story from the week we spent in Key West with our teammates. Hearing all their stories about how they got together had made us want that, too. I wanted to be able to do all the things he wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I’d never told anyone why. Not even Cole.
“I agree with Michael,” Cooper said. “I can definitely recommend some people, but I think you might like my mentor from grad school. He’s in private practice here in Portland. I’ll text you his number, and you can look him up to see if you think he might work. He’d be very sensitive to your situation in the public eye.”
“Thanks, Coop. I’ve got to do something. I can’t lose him. I won’t survive it.”
Cooper gave me an understanding smile. “I know. Call him and see if he’s a good fit. Eight weeks of therapy is a start. Work on getting comfortable with yourself first.”
“I hope you guys work it out,” Foster said. “And now that Turner is gone, hopefully things on that side of the ball will settle down.”
“He was a pain in the ass. Not what we need on our team.”
Greg obviously agreed. “I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of Clay Turner.”
The next day, I called and made an appointment with Donovan Hughes. I was ready to try facing my demons and wanted to be in a better place about moving on with my life with Cole.
As much as it hurt, I decided not to talk to Cole until after he returned in eight weeks. Hopefully, he’d see my efforts as a start at repairing us. Then I’d go to Seattle for the last concert and tell him everything and convince him to come home to me.
But when I went to Seattle, things didn’t go as I’d planned. In fact, that trip would unknowingly change our lives forever.
CHAPTER 5
COLE
The last song in the encore set was the official end of the first leg of our tour. Aidan and Scott, our tour manager, had made sure we ended our first big tour in Seattle, and the fans from our hometown were amazing.
Adam and I lived for this moment, but I was tired and ready to take a break for a while. We had a four-month hiatus while the tour producer and EHM worked out the next leg. They hadn’t been able to secure the venues we needed as of yet, so it was taking a little longer than we thought.
Despite the delay, we all welcomed the extra time off.
I hadn’t allowed myself to think about Patrick, and I was going to pay for that when we got back to Portland. Before we ended things in Phoenix, I’d held out some hope we could find some kind of solution. But now I was almost positive we were over. And that killed me.
