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“I know the truth about me. I’ll never be enough for her.”
“Where is that coming from?”
“Experience.”
“Have you forgotten what Riley said about regretting ending things with you last year?”
“Nope.”
“Have you forgotten the understanding you gave her about it, following her dreams and all?”
“Nope.”
“Did you really understand her? Or did you tell her that because you wanted her back so badly?”
“I understood her.”
“Then how is it that you don’t now? Riley hasn’t changed. You know her like the back of your hand, and you know her heart. It belongs to you and always has, just like yours has always belonged to her.”
I stared at Jackson and then looked back at the TV. Yellowstone was on—a scene of Beth and Rip kissing. Seeing them, I thought about how long they’d loved each other. I also thought about their fights and splitting up, only to get back together because they couldn’t stay apart.
I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV because I couldn’t keep watching Beth and Rip. They reminded me too much of Riley and me.
“I’ve said what I came here to say to you about Riley. Do what you will with it. In the meantime, think about Mom,” Jackson said.
I looked back over at him.
“She’s worried about you and misses seeing you,” he went on to tell me. “You know how much she needs both of us right now.”
I leaned over and started throwing up on the floor. Jackson ran to my kitchen, grabbed the hand towel on the counter by the sink, and hurried back into the living room.
After my wave of nausea had passed, I laid my head back against the wall behind my couch while Jackson cleaned up my embarrassing mess. When he was done, he walked me to my bathroom, stripped me down, and helped me get into my shower. About fifteen minutes later, I got out, dried off, put on clean clothes, and lay across my bed.
Right afterward, Jackson came into my room to tell me he was leaving and to call him if I needed anything. I told him that I would and also that I loved him.
He replied, “I love you, too, you asshole. Get your shit together.”
Brothers.
It was morning now, and I’d just awakened from having another dream about Riley. This one wasn’t sexual, though. I kept trying to reach Riley in it, running after her as she ran away from me. But with every step I took, she moved further away until I couldn’t see her anymore.
I sat up and swung my legs to the side of my bed, resting my feet on the cool hardwood floor. My whole body ached due to all the whiskey I’d drank yesterday. I needed to stop turning to it because no matter how much I consumed, it was never enough to numb me to the point that I didn’t feel Riley anymore.
I still sensed her, as if she were here with me. I could still feel her lips on mine, her fingers in my hair, and her skin on mine. I could still feel her body beneath me and feel her tightening up as I made her lose control. I could still hear her breathy moans, sweet whispers, and contagious laughter. And I could still see her emerald eyes shining whenever she looked at me.
I needed a strong cup of coffee, so I headed down the hallway to my kitchen to brew one. When I rounded the corner, I saw that my sugar jar had been tipped over again. The granules had two linked hearts drawn in them.
“Rosalie, would you give me a break? Please?” I begged.
Then, her image appeared next to my sink.
“Why are you doing this?” I continued.
She float-walked over to the sugar, smoothed it out with her glowing hand, and wrote “soulmates” with her fingertip.
“Riley and me? You believe we’re soulmates?”
Rosalie nodded as I heard her say, “Yes,” in my head.
