Page 19 of Sealed in Ink
He’s dressed now, too, the blanket folded up on the floor. I’ll have to put it in the laundry. He stands and walks over to me but doesn’t take my hands. He just stares like a universe of intensity is burning behind his stony facade.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I ask.
He sighs darkly. “We both know I shouldn’t have done that.”
“What do you meanyoushouldn’t have?”
“I’m the one who said we should wrestle. I knew I wanted you. I knew where it would lead.”
“I thought you were a virgin, too? How did youknow?”
He steps even closer, bringing his heat with him, his scent. It’s musky and thick and strangely tempting. It’s like he’s talking to something deep in my body, but no. That’s silly. Focus on the now. The physical. The real.
“Just because I was a virgin,” he goes on, “doesn’t mean I was as inexperienced as you. I’ve been around fighters all my life. I’ve heard things. You’re only eighteen.”
“I wish you’d stop saying it like that.Eighteen. Like it means I’m not even a person.”
“You can’t even drink,” he says.
“Who cares? You don’t drink.”
Another step closer. A shimmer jolts through me when he darts his big, fast hands out and grabs my hips. Again, something in my body calls out to him and tries to latch on. Like my soul is sending signals through my nerves to fuck him again without pulling out this time. We didn’t even wear a condom.
“It’s not about that,” he snaps. “It’s the point. I should’ve known better.”
“Ishould’ve known better, too. Stop trying to take responsibility away from me.”
It’s so wrong—“You think, dear, really?”—but I grab his shirt and pull myself to my tiptoes. I kiss him passionately, feeling his body respond, but then the guilt gets to be too much. Now Brad’s in my head, too, frowning at me. He’s not angry, just disappointed, but is that right? Wouldn’t he hate me?
I use Rust’s shirt to push him away. I take a few steps back, standing behind the chair. He stays in place, fists clenched like it’s difficult for him not to leap across the room at me. That would feel so good again. He could take responsibility. My ass still aches from his hands spanking me, owning me.
“We have to tell Brad,” he says after a pause.
“Wait, what?” I gasp, already shaking my head. “Why would we do that?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve never had secrets from him, well, until recently.”
“Until recently?”
His eyes glint as he looks at me despite my frumpy outfit. He seems just as interested as before. “There was a moment. You were going to a poetry reading. You came down the stairs and asked how you looked, and it was like I was seeing you for the first time.”
I remember that. Earlier this year. “Yeah?” I murmur.
“You were beautiful. It was like you’d become someone else. I tried to fight it, but I failed. Now it’s time to face the music.”
“Wecan’ttell Brad. It would ruin him.”
“We’ve already ruined him by doing this,” Rust says matter-of-factly. “Keeping it secret will just make it worse.”
“Only if we do it again.” There’s a hitch in my voice. The idea of never being intimate with him again is horrible to me, but it’s the best for Brad and my guilt. “Which we can’t. You know that, right?” I add for emphasis.
“I knew I shouldn’t have done it the first time,” Rust says, “but you’re too damn irresistible.”
“Stop.” I look away from the hunger in his eyes, triggering so many things in me. “We’ll just have to pretend this never happened.”
“Can you do that?” he says.
“Wehaveto.”
