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‘I promised to keep you safe,’ he said, his shoulders rising and falling on a deep breath and, reaching down, he scooped her into his arms and carried her and didn’t stop until they were inside her apartment.
‘You can put me down now,’ she said stiffly. ‘And then you can let yourself back out.’
Trip let go of her and she walked quickly away.
‘I’m sorry I upset you. Again.’
He stared over to where she was looking at her phone, or pretending to look at her phone. There was a tension to her bowed head that made him think that she was seeing nothing on the screen. That her whole body was arrowed in on his position in the room.
‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. I never want to upset you.’
The stiffness in her shoulders moved to her spine but she didn’t respond and, for a fraction of a second, he almost turned and left. But then he thought about how she had stayed with him after they’d argued, how she had let him talk. Listened. Comforted him. And so he tried again, because he had to. Because this time he couldn’t leave. He didn’t want to.
‘And I didn’t take you to Oxford so that people would see us together,’ he said quietly. ‘I wouldn’t do that—’
Her shoulders were still rigid but her eyes floated over to his. ‘No, because tricking people, pushing your own agenda—that’s not your way of doing things, is it?’
The tiredness in her voice pierced him. It made her sound so much older than twenty-eight, and yet younger too. Like a frightened child. He took a breath.
‘It was, before. Back in New York. I felt trapped and I was angry and I didn’t think about what you wanted. I was only thinking about myself. But that’s why I asked you to come with me to Oxford. Because I know you loved being there and I thought it would make you happy.’
Her eyes found his. ‘I was happy.’
Was. Past tense. He felt the rush of fear and panic that had swamped him as he walked back downstairs from the empty bedroom, that same sense of being trapped inside a shrinking tomb. ‘Why did you leave? I thought you were upstairs, but you were gone. And you didn’t take the plane.’
‘You don’t get to tell me what to do.’ Lily wrapped her arms in front of her chest like a shield, walling herself off, shutting him out.
‘You could have been hurt.’
‘I already have been,’ she said slowly. ‘I think we’re done here, Trip.’
‘I’m not finished.’ He looked at her impatiently. She was as stubborn as she was beautiful.
‘Well, I am. I have nothing to say to you, Trip,’ she managed to say, ‘and you said everything you needed to say yesterday—’
‘But that’s just it. I didn’t.’ Trip stared at her. His heart was still beating out of time from seeing her surrounded by reporters like a deer cornered by hounds. ‘I didn’t know what I thought. One minute you were saying all this stuff about wanting to separate and the next you were saying you loved me.’
‘That was yesterday.’
‘Lily, please.’
The tightness in his voice made everything inside her roll sideways like a capsizing boat. But this was what Trip did. He rushed headlong in where angels feared to tread. To Ecuador or into a pack of baying paparazzi.
‘What? I know you. I know how you think. How you react, how you overreact because that’s who you are. It’s what you do, it’s what you did before. Only instead of going to Ecuador, you turn up with a bunch of bodyguards and make out that it’s because of a promise you’re keeping.’
‘I did make you a promise. And yes, you’re right, this is what I do, but I’m not that person any more, Lily. You changed me. You made me look at myself, look at the person I was.’
He took a step closer. ‘I’ve been so angry for so long. Angry with myself, but mostly angry with my father. When I found those letters I didn’t deal with how it made me feel, I just ran away. You made me realise that I needed to deal with that anger. Or I’d ruin the future.’
‘You don’t need to worry about that. I saw the headlines. Congratulations. I’m sure the shareholders are more than happy for you to run the business now.’
‘I’m not talking about Winslow, Lily.’ The fierceness in his voice made her flinch. ‘I’m talking about our future.’
‘We don’t have a future.’ Her chest squeezed tight. ‘I told you, I’m not going to marry a man who doesn’t love me.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re going to marry a man who’s madly, helplessly, completely and utterly in love with you.’ His voice was choked with tears. ‘Because I love you, Lily Dempsey. I love you, and I need you in my life, not just in my heart, but by my side.’
She watched in astonishment as he dropped to one knee and took her hands in his.
